Huffing Rears It's Ugly Head

They don't mess around in Colorado! Just ask these two little future criminals! Guess what Breana (left) and Alyssa did in school that earned them a 10-day suspension and a possible expulsion from the Lewis-Palmer Middle school.

That’s right! They’re Huffers!

Breana "lost her breath" in gym class and fast thinking Alyssa said, " why not just use my prescription asthma inhaler. It works for me, a diagnosed asthma sufferer. So, it stands to reason it will work for you too Bree! Puff away!"

Breana's heart rate shot up to 160 bpm and she walked slowly over to the nurses office to see “sup?” Nurse Busybody promptly informed the principal and she suspended the little dopes for violating the school's policy on sharing prescription drugs.

For reasons unknown, the principal upped the suspension from the normal 5 days to 10 days and in a letter to the girls' parents stated she was recommending their expulsion from the school district.

No articles I read mentioned the principal's name, but thanks to good old Google. I found it, Caryn (sic) Collette, and her email address… CCollette@lewispalmer.org

I felt compelled to write Caryn (sic) a little email, just to let her know that I supported her decision!

Dear Caryn (sic),

I just wanted to commend you for your brave decision to hand down the appropriate punishment for two students who were sharing prescription drugs on school property.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I read you suspended these two "huffers" for 10 days and recommended their expulsion! Kudos to you!

It all seemed instantly suspicious to me when I read that Breana Crites was feeling shortness of breath in Gym class. I mean c'mon why would a healthy 13-year-old all of a sudden be that short of breath? She hasn't been diagnosed with asthma!

I have a theory as to why this happend. I believe Crites and Alyssa McKinney were up all night at one of those Huffer/Rainbow parties I heard about on Oprah. If you're unfamiliar with these types of parties, let me explain.

Kids will fill a garbage can with paint, gasoline, orange juice, nail polish remover and as many Sharpies as they can get their hands on and then they Huff their ever loving brains out! Usually while listening to some sort of satanic themed music... like LMFAO. Then all the girls put on a different color lipstick and the boys line up against the wall. I'll leave the rest up to your imagination. I'm assuming they're all into tossing salads and drinking urine too, but I can't say for sure. I suspect they also enjoy the Japanese art of Bukkake as well. Perhaps they like sharing a cup too, if you know what I mean. ;-)

So, you got two girls hung-over from a good old fashioned Huffer party and now they find themselves in PE chasing the dragon. I'll bet before they concocted their plan to get high on McKinney's inhaler, they broke into the Boy's locker room and Huffed all the sweat socks and athletic supporters they could get their noses on. Did you ever see the movie "Porky's?"

I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that once these two little deviants were strung out on the smell of balls and feet, they decided to add a little asthma inhaler to the mix to keep their buzz going. But Crites got more then she bargained for when she suffered an allergic reaction to all that fun.

I stand by your decision 110%! You are a brave lady Ms. Caryn (sic) Collette! Someday when this expulsion comes back to haunt these young girls in ways that they can't even imagine, you'll be able to hold your head up high and say, "God damn it, I'm quite a glorious douche, ain't I?" Shit you can say that now!

Good for you Caryn (sic)! God bless you and keep you.

GFY,

Brad Maybe

I’m awaiting the principal’s response!

I dunno. Maybe.