That Broad You Hate Or Love Or Don't Know About!

The first time I heard “Born To Die,” the single, from Lana Del Rey I instantly loved it. Simply put, it just sounded different and beautiful, plus I was watching the video and sideboob is still boob. It conveyed such urgency. It gave me Goosebumps all holiday season long. As I digested the song, it slowly became apparent that there really isn’t an original thought in it. From the stringy intro, dead beat and opening line, “feet don’t fail me now,” it’s a cliché train wreck. I was listening to the song drunk a few days ago and I swear to God she sang, “a watched pot never boils.” And yet I still LOVE it!

I agree the SNL appearance wasn’t anything special. I thought she looked hot in her dress and her backing band looked expensive, but those moments her voice dropped down to the floor were cringe worthy.

I was excited to get a hold of the full album, Born To Die, and since last Saturday I haven’t been able to make it passed the sixth song “National Anthem.”  I have OCD so I have to start from the beginning every time I try to listen and the same thing happens.

The album starts off strong with “Born To Die,” and then something weird happens during track two. Del Rey begins “Off To The Races” with a great lazy road-weary swagger, singing something about her Las Vegas past, an L.A. ass and her old man’s love of cocaine… I’m half expecting somebody to get shot by the end of the song. But no! For some reason Del Rey keeps conjuring Betty Boop for this poop-ooop-e-doop rap which can only described as off-putting.

 “Blue Jeans,” is literally just there. I can’t say if it’s a good song or a bad song. Would it work at the end of a Grey’s Anatomy episode with a trite Ellen Pompeo monologue over it? Definitely!

“Video Games” brings the album back. I just love the silly modern theme of video games juxtaposed against the stylish retro arrangement of the track. It’s beautiful. I’d love to throw it on and bang your mom. It would really tie a spring/autumn sexcapade together. I see this album becoming the cougar’s official mating call. “Fuck me young man, then you can go play Space Invaders,” a cougar might say.

“Diet Mountain Dew,” just makes me think of Portishead. It doesn’t sound much like Portishead, but by this time in the album I can’t stop thinking about Portishead live at Roseland. (Just a truly brilliant record.)

“National Anthem.” It sounds like it’s ripped right from Paris Hilton’s new album, or Kim Kardashian wrote half of it… I dunno, but I have to stop listening to Born To Die during this song. Can somebody tell me if there’s anything else worth my time after track 6?

Like most reviews of Born To Die, this one is almost just as useless. She’s selling records. She’s got buzz. If she starts getting spins on the radio, Miss Del Rey will get to have a nice 2012. She’s got two great songs, maybe three, and that’s a lot!

I dunno. Maybe.