Great news everybody! It looks like Doris is still sticking to her new year's resolution to only eat salad on the subway! And doesn't she look great?
The second she popped the top on that puppy the smell of raspberry vinaigrette filled the car and didn't make anybody nauseous.
Everybody thought it was cute the way she quickly said, "yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum," after every bite in a Gollum voice.
When she was halfway through with her salad a bum asked her for a dollar so he could go buy a salad. She replied with a polite, "fuck you smelly."
When she was finished with the salad, she pulled a chicken burrito out of her purse (Breaking her new year's resolution.) and announced, "If any of you fags wanna bite... come and get it!" One guy looked like he was gonna try but she stared him down.
She spit the last bite of the burrito on the floor and said to the bum that asked her for a dollar, "don't choke on it sweetheart."
We pulled into Union Square she stood to exit and as she made her way to the door, she grabbed some guy's ass and called him a pussy.
When the doors swung open she looked at me and said, "I bit the dick off the last guy who tried to take my picture without me knowing, just so you know."
She exited the train alone and as we pulled out of the station I thought that's how I wanna act when I'm a senior citizen. I got a burrito for dinner that night.
I dunno. Maybe.
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