Sleeping Dogs

Being a resident of New York City has so many amenities. Sure, there's Broadway and great pizza, but you almost never hear anybody talking about one of the greatest pleasures NYC has to offer, and that's taking a bus out of the Port Authority!

A few things you should know about the Port Authority.

First, it literally is the happiest place on Earth. Just walk in and start counting the smiles.

Second, stay out of the bathrooms. If you have to go No. 1 and it's a dire emergency, pull your wee wee maker out before you go in, use the first available urinal, and don't worry about putting your wiener away until you get out of there. Washing your hands is out of the question! If you're a woman, go to the Duane Reade and buy an adult diaper.

So, a couple Fridays ago, I was taking the NJ Transit down to south Jersey. As I queued up (That's fancy English for lined up and that's exactly the kind of classy talk the Port Authority demands.) I noticed this happy little fella taking a snooze a couple places in front of me. Without a second hesitation, I pulled out my camera phone. Notice I took several pictures, with and without flash and one after he rolled over ever so cutely on his side. You know, just to get the right shot. Oh and by the by, it's 3:30PM!

As I'm playing Annie Leibovitz another guy gets in line behind me and says, "don't you think we should wake him up?" I let out an emphatic "No!" Almost as if to say are you fucking nuts?

"Why not?" asks Mr. Busybody. I just look at him and say, "Sleeping dogs." But he's pretty insistent and moans "well this guy's going to miss his bus."

I'm just thinking who gives a royal fuck if this fuckin' guy misses his bus! He's drunk, passed out and sleeping on the floor of the Port Authority. It's Friday afternoon and he's got about ten more buses to catch if he misses this one. NOT MY GOD DAMN PROBLEM!

But no!!! Mr. Busybody has to try and wake him up. So, I take a full four steps back and hope that my sleeping dogs theory proves to be right.

Notice how Sleeping Beauty is positioned in the picture on the bottom right. As soon as Mr. Busybody attempted to wake him, Sleeping Beauty socked him right in the mouth with his right hand. I wish I had a recording of the laugh I let out. Just a total maniacal-dick-I-told-you-so kind of laugh. Actually, I wish I had the punch on video.

"Well I don't give a fuck if you miss your bus," was the last thing Mr. Busybody said on the subject.

Sleeping dogs dude. Sleeping dogs.