I've turned into one of those lazy bloggers. I was all Gung-ho about it in the beginning and I wrote some really top notch blogs, but now I'm not writing shit. So, just to post something, I found this old email exchange I had with some Senator I thought sounded like a douche in the press.
Back in 2008, two or three assholes decided to climb the New York Times building. Look at the thing! It looks like a ladder that just screams to the mentally deranged! "Hey Crazy Climber," the building might say. "You should climb on me! Look at my deep rung like structuring! Grab hold and ride me to the top big boy!" I don't know why the Times building would sound like a horny gay man on Craigslist, but it does. So after the last asshole climbed up there Senator Eric Adams was quoted in the New York Post, ironically, saying some totally delusional GOP scaremongering bullshit.
I wrote the Senator this email in June of 2008.
Thursday June 12, 2008 12:05PM
Subject: Can You Clarify?
Dear Senator,
Forgive my lateness on this but in the NY Post on Monday Amy Crawford wrote that your "biggest concern is the threat of a terrorist daredevil, who could plant a bomb on a building after climbing it."
I completely understand the reason for your obvious grandstanding after a situation like this. I agree that these "daredevils" put others at risk with their stupidity.
But my concern is the comment above about a fictional terrorist that you have created. Forgive me, but doesn't your remark about a terrorist climbing a building to put a bomb up there sound like something a jackass would say? Correction, something a republican jackass would say.
Senator, if a terrorist gets a bomb into NYC or assembles a bomb in the city, THAT'S THE POINT WHERE WE ARE IN TROUBLE. He could shove that bomb up his ass for all it matters. And why the heck wouldn't he just take the elevator to the top of the building? And are we talking about Polish terrorists, what the hell would a bomb do at the top of a building? Is he trying to recreate the ending of Ghostbusters? Regardless!!!
Senator, is your greatest concern, in life, that a terrorist will get a bomb into town and then, like Spiderman, climb to the top of a building to detonate it? Or do you just love the sound of your own voice?
I also think your proposed "skyscraper threat assessment task force" sounds foolish. Can I be on the STATF? What are they going to do, put out a list of the easiest buildings to climb? And then what? Will the buildings actually have to do anything to become less climbable? Or would the STATF have just handed every adrenaline junkie from Queens to California a list of "Easy Climbs In The Big Apple?" How much is this bullshit task force going to cost?
There isn't a task force in the world that is going to stop the next fool from trying to climb a building for no reason. How dare you try and equate a dumbass headline grabbing stunt to terrorism!?
I expect nothing less than a Senator that lives in the REAL world representing Brooklyn. Not somebody that would use GOP scare tactics to make a moutain out of a molehill.
GFY,
Brad Maybe
The Senator responded four days later!
Monday June 16, 2008 10:12PM
Subject: Opinions are like...
Brad, the beauty about this great country is that we all have a right to our opinion.
Best,
Eric
NYS Senator
Luckily, I was masturbating to my favorite kind of porn at the time he responded and I instantly shot back the following missive. (If your wondering, I enjoy watching an older woman seduce a "teen" girl. The scene is usually a young girl coming over to the house looking for her friend, but only the mom is home. Muffs are eaten.)
Monday June 16, 2008 10:14PM
Subject: Assholes?
And the beauty of an elected official is that they will never admit to being wrong.
GFY,
Brad "Like I Didn't Know This Is A Great Country" Maybe
Believe it or not, the gentleman from Brooklyn had more to say. I let him have the last word, because much like you right now, I was already bored.
Monday June 16, 2008 10:14PM
Subject: How did you know?
Brad trust me, I have had to admit that I was wrong many times. I am far from perfect but extremely sincere about those issue that are important to me.
Best,
Eric
NYS Senator
In conclusion, I'm awesome.
(Editor's Note: This email exchange has been edited to make the author look a little funnier and a little smarter. But I'll forward you the actual emails if you want to read them! They're not that much different.)
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