License To Carry A Meat Thermometer UPDATED

(INITIAL REPORTS SAID A WOMAN WAS STABBED, BUT IT WAS A MAN. I'M NOT EDITING THE BLOG!! SO F THE A-HOLE THAT DIDN'T FACT CHECK.)

This is one of those stories you could easily say "only in L.A." But I could see this happening in Philadelphia or any town in Florida.

KTLA is reporting that a woman attending a movie was stabbed in the neck with a meat thermometer! All because she "shushed" another woman for talking on the phone.

Police say the victim will survive the attack and was at a normal 98.6 degrees at the time of the stabbing. (HI OH!!!!!!)

I think the real victim here is the woman on the phone. I'm 100% sure she is a respectful woman, whose phone was set to vibrate and only answered it because she suspected there was an emergency.

After the "shushing" two men with the woman on the phone decided to teach the woman who was trying to enjoy the movie a lesson. Luckily, one of the men had just put a really nice pork tenderloin in the oven right before they came to the movies and had his meat thermometer on him. (The ONLY other reasons I could think this asswipe has a meat thermometer at the movies is because he lost his ice pick or he's into painful assplay.) I think the punishment fits the crime. If you shush, you get a meat thermometer to the neck.

L.A. sheriffs officials describe the suspects as "black males. One man was wearing an orange hat with an orange jersey and the other man was dressed in a black hoodie." Yeah, that sounds like what a couple of black guys would be wearing. I wonder if one of them was wearing his pants on the ground? (No I didn't!)

I like to think after the stabbing Orange Jersey and Black Hoodie made it home and their pork tenderloin was at a perfect 160 degrees. Maybe one of their bitches made some asparagus and scalloped potatoes and they all had a wonderful dinner.