Pop quiz,
asshole! What is the first song on Thriller?
I would have
said “Beat It” without hesitation and thought I was right. Wrong. “Wanna Be
Startin’ Somethin’” is the first song on Thriller. In my dumb head, I’m kinda
right. Please, allow me to explain.
This album is
sequenced all wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! I must have listened to Thriller a
million times, on cassette, and forgot what side was which. Side two should be
side one. “Beat It” and “Billy Jean” are the two heavies and they should be
kicking this party off! Then roll into “Human Nature,” and “PYT,” both hits,
and let “The Lady In My Life” dangle out there at the end of side one. “Wanna
Be Startin’ Somethin’” should launch side two. An undeniable hit, but not your lead off.
Look at that track listing! That’s your money side!
We are
talking about Thriller here, so it’s not like there’s too much to bitch about.
The songs are in the right order, but why is the worst track on the disc No. 2? Take Jackson’s voice off of “Baby Me Mine” and you're left
with some really soulless 80’s cheeseball synth pop! That's followed by
the creepiest song on the disc! “The Girl Is Mine?” On what fuckin’ planet are
Michael Jackson and Sir Paul McCartney competing for the same girl? Who the
hell refers to a woman as a “doggone girl.” Pfffft. Then if side one was side
two, the enormous title track closes out the whole affair on a grand and spooky
note. "No mere mortal can resist the evil of the Thriller."
I can’t
believe there are only nine songs on Thriller! I can’t
believe I have no memory of “Baby Be Mine.” I must have fast forwarded through
that turd every time. Does anybody remember the cassette decks that would find
gaps in songs automatically? So, if a “Baby Be Mine” comes on your player, hit fast forward and it would automatically go to the next
song. That little feature was biggest time saving device in my life 30 years
ago!
Ladies and
gentlemen! Please join me in welcoming the Reverend Al Green!
If this album
had eyes, do you know how much sex it would have seen? No disrespect to Mr. Jackson, but I would argue that Al Green’s 1972 album Let’s Stay Together held up better, over time, than 1982’s Thriller.
I used to
hang out in a hipster bar when I was in college, so all the indie rock the DJs
played was supplemented by a ton of classic Soul and Blues. Late at night there
was always a lot of Al Green playing down on Allen Street. Sadly, I never owned a lot of that stuff.
As much as I’ve
heard the songs from this album, I don’t think I’ve ever sat down
and listened to it from front to back. What a journey!
“What Is This
Feeling,” is going into permanent rotation on my MP3 player. “Old Time Lovin’” is
a river of panty puddles. “I’ve Never Found A Girl,” “So You’re Leaving,” “Judy,”
and “It Ain’t No Fun To Me” are all just simply wonderful, while Green’s take
on The Bee Gees’ “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?” is epic.
Simple and pure, this album moves me. Al flows from soulful quiet moments into
blasts of genuine passion so effortlessly. Al, the horns and Howard
Grimes on drums plugs right into my central nervous system. If I ever felt like an idiot trying to write about anybody’s music, it pales in comparison to me trying to describe this Al Green joint. I was gonna say something like “this album would make jerking off with your sweat pants around your ankles sexy." I’m glad I didn’t.
I was late to
the Jay-Z party. At the time in the 90’s when his shit was blowing up, I was
avoiding Rap. I was heavy into my Alternative lifestyle. Wait, that doesn’t
sound right.
When “Hard
Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)” was all over the place, I honestly thought, “did
Rap run outta cool songs to sample? Show tunes?” It almost still kind of annoys me still. Show tunes! However, I did find myself
liking “N**** What, N**** Who” from Vol. 2.
It’s hard to
believe this record is going to turn 15 this year! And surprisingly I knew more
off it than I thought I would. The hits are the hits and they were
everywhere. I gotta go back and listen to Hova’s first two releases this year.
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