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I can tell you when I started to like 311 and when I started
to hate 311. I became a fan in late 1992, and I got really sick of them
exactly ten years later in 2002 when "Amber" hit the radio. I think I always knew it, but listening to these two albums today, made me finally come to terms with it. I hate 311!
I was a college senior in the fall of 1992 and was doing the
highly coveted 3-6pm Friday afternoon shift on my college radio station with my
best friend, Joe Bagodonuts. (I actually tried to rewrite that so it didn't sound so gay… it’s impossible and I don’t care.) We called it “The 2 For 1
Show.” In November we got a three song
EP from a band called 311. The emphasis track was “Freak Out,” but we didn't give a shit about that, we loved the last song on the disc called “Hydroponic”
and for the rest of the time I was in college radio, we played it a lot!
I didn't bother listening to anything else from 311 until
they released their self-titled album in 1995 and I absolutely loved “Don’t
Stay Home.” To this day I love that song. I had listened to the whole
album a couple of times but didn't care much for it. In the fall of 1996 I
landed my first job doing 6-midnight on a commercial alternative station and
was playing “Down” at least once a night. Then we were playing “All Mixed Up”
about every other hour. And so it began.
When I was listening to this album I swear I thought I heard
Nick Hexum rap something on “Hive” like, “I’m Nick Hexum and I’m here to say, I
like to watch the ladies flex ‘em. Cause it takes two,” or something that
fucking stupid. They steal so many cues from Public Enemy, The Beastie Boys and
even Rob Base, I can’t believe they didn't take more shit for this album.
By the time the “If you hurt her again, I’ll fuck you up”
rant comes at the end of “Don’t Let Me Down” I was done with this
record.
It was the beginning of the end of the “gay 90’s” and Rap
Rock was coming to shit down a good times’ throat.
Transistor is pretty much useless. I remember liking and
then growing very tired of “Beautiful Disaster,” because I was playing it twice a
night on the radio. I never listened to this album more than once or twice
looking for “singles,” and I guess I didn't find any. Boring cheap white Reggae Rock.
After The Black Parade, I remember reading a quote from Gerard
Way about the next My Chemical Romance record. He basically said they weren't going to do another concept record and they were just going to Rock! I was
genuinely thrilled with this information because I became a fan of the band
when they released Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge in 2004.
They put out Three Cheers in June and a guy that I used to
work with was raving it about it constantly, so I finally had to listen to it,
just to shut him up. I love that record, just as much as a 15-year-old girl does! I remember at the time when it started to take off
Indie assholes saying things like it’s not as good as I Brought You My Bullets,
You Brought Me Your Love, their previous effort. Why is everyone such an
asshole?
The first chance I had to see the band was on the Face To
Face Farewell Tour which was blowing through Irving Plaza on August 21. I was
going more for Face To Face, but was looking forward to seeing My Chem. They
blew Face To Face off the fucking stage. Gerard Way was still chunky and really
creepy looking and knew how to work the crowd like a fucking champ. After their
set, half the place left and Face To Face came out with sleeping bags and napped
on the stage for an hour.
I was with someone from Reprise and they wanted me to meet Way.
We were upstairs in the VIP balcony at Irving and he came up a few minutes
after the band’s set. The place had kind of cleared out and not a lot of people
were milling around. I very enthusiastically told him how much I enjoyed their
set and the album and wished them the best of luck. I’m about a solid foot
taller than Way and he’s very soft spoken so I had to do a lot of leaning in to
hear him. He was very gracious and nice, but boy did he stink! He was wearing
an old black suit that didn't fit him and the odor permeating off of him was a
thick combination of B.O., puke, cigarette smoke, and moth balls. A lethal
concoction that had me gagging. Luckily, after a minute, and by the way he was tremendously
nice he just smelled, I noticed a few fans gathered just outside the VIP area
waiting to talk to Way. So, I told him to stop wasting his time talking to me
and go say hi to his fans. He did and as he left a trail of stink followed
close by. Six months later, he lost like 50 pounds and looked, and probably
smelled, like Rock star.
So, My Chemical Romance recorded the songs that make up
Conventional Weapons before they recorded Danger Days and with super producer
Brendan O’Brien. I guess it was supposed to be Danger Days, but for some reason
they shitcanned everything, hired producer Rob Cavallo and wrote the comic book
story that Danger Days became. I’m not a fan of that album at all. It’s my
balls. Highly inventive and really creative, for sure! I just don’t like my
Rock bands singing about laser beams. “Sing” is okay, and I thought I liked “Planetary
(Go!)” for a minute, but “Na Na Na Na Na Na,” really rubbed me the wrong way.
The big question is why did they shelf these songs that make
up Conventional Weapons? I LOVE THEM! I’m serious! “Boy Division” slams it like
it’s straight off of Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, which I’m assuming is the
reason for them shelving these songs. They didn't want to repeat themselves.
I don’t even know if any of this album made it on to the
radio. Was it worked to Rock and Alternative radio stations? I have no idea, I
live in NYC where there’s only one Rock station and it’s Classic Rock. Weird right?
“Boy Division” is your first single for sure! It Rocks and
it’ll whet everyone’s appetite for your second single. “The World Is Ugly” is a
slam dunk. Follow that up with another rocker, “Ambulance.” Then back to a
slower track, probably “Surrender The Night.” Album gets certified platinum. Thanks
for playing armchair record label promotions.
Is that even happening? Did that happen? This album is getting played on the radio, right?
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