4.21.13

On April 21st I listened to Bad Religion Stranger Than Fiction, Refused The Shape Of Punk To Come, and The Virginmarys King Of Conflict.

The current state of Alternative Rock is like a pair of pruned up balls. Yeah, there’s still some moisture in ‘em, but they’re not getting anybody pregnant and NOBODY is gonna be putting them in their mouth anytime soon.

I was recently listening to the satellite music service’s idea of Alternative on two of their channels and literally became ENRAGED! It’s all pussy dance shit. There’s nothing wrong with pussy dance shit, in the right mood I love pussy dance shit, but when did that become Alternative? Alternative Station One is playing a band called The Mowgli’s and their little hippie song starts off with the line, “I've been in love with being in love” and it just makes you want to punch a hole right through the fucking planet! Get this, it’s called “San Francisco!” New Politics, The 1975, and Hands are all getting big spins from space. Who? WHAT?

I flipped over to Alternative Station Two and it’s mostly the same shit, different day. I heard Rachel Maddow on their rambling on and on about bands that will be gone in three years and cool house parties in Brooklyn. Really compelling radio. They’re playing a band called Diarrhea Planet! Diarrhea Planet, I shit you not! All right I just listened to “Separations” by Diarrhea Planet and it’s not that bad.  But, the rest of their “top” songs sound like the balls I mentioned earlier. As I’m writing this they’re playing a band called Chvrches… real cleaver. If Yaz ever goes out on tour, Chvrches would definitely open. 

Broadcast radio isn't much better. Over on the Alternative charts Fall Out Boy and that turd band Twenty One Pilots are in the top ten! This is Alternative Music today? Paul Westerberg would be spinning in his fucking grave… if he were dead.

And the irony of the whole thing is New York City doesn't even have a station playing Alternative music because if it did, I'd be the first guy to try and get a job there. Try and shake things up from the inside. 

Today’s three bands all represent a few key elements that I believe can resurrect Alternative Rock, or at least give me something to fucking cling on to.

Mix up Bad Religion’s social conscious with Refused’s fucking innovation, then throw in some Virginmary’s raw Rock sound and propensity for not sounding like a pack of pussies and we might just have something. I dunno, maybe? Am I all alone in thinking this way? Cause, I feel like I’m the only man stranded on Whatthefuck Island waiting for the next cycle of awesome.

This is probably my favorite album from Bad Religion and I don’t care who knows. It’s their eighth and second for major label Atlantic Records. Its release found the band in a nice bit of turmoil too. They were getting accused of selling out from their dirtbag superfans. “Uh duh, we don’t like when the bands we like make more money than we do down at the gas station convenience store! Fucking sellouts! How dare you try to support your families and shit, ten years into your career. LAME!”

The selling out was the least of their problems. Founding member Brett Gurewitz recorded Stranger Than Fiction and then split! He said he was going to concentrate on The Offspring, who had just released Smash on Epitaph Records. (You all know Gurewitz founded Epitaph for Bad Religion, then signed with Atlantic, all while still running Epitaph and carrying on an alleged crack/heroin/I’m-An-Asshole addiction? Right?) So Gurewitz bailed, singer Greg Graffin hated his guts and the band’s like “here’s our new record Stranger Than Fiction, enjoy.” It was their most successful record to date!

Completely solid from beginning to end, I love “Incomplete” with Wayne “Fuckin’” Kramer on guitar, “Stranger Than Fiction,” “Better Off Dead,” “Infected,” “Television” with Tim Armstrong and how prolific was “21st Century (Digital Boy)?” It should be song during the 7th inning stretch at baseball games.

I wrote a blurb about The Shape Of Punk To Come for some rag I used to work for ten years ago, so why try to recreate brilliance.

There’s a big fat line between what makes Rock cool and invigorating and what makes Rock uninspired dirtbag drivel.

King Of Conflict is the kind of album that fills me with hope for the future. Maybe I’m not alone in wanting to blow up the status quo and usher in a new era of Alternative Rock!

Listen to this album on repeat. That’s what I've been doing.

I think The Virginmarys sum it all up nicely on the AC/DC influenced “Out Of Mind,” when they sing “Everybody’s out of their fooking mind!” I couldn't agree more!

Go forth Virginmarys and fuck shit up for all of us who were waiting for you! Call up The Bronx and take them with you!

4.20.13

In honor of Hitler’s Birthday on April 20th, it was Douche Bag Day! I listened to Limp Bizkit Significant Other, Korn Follow The Leader, and Fall Out Boy Save Rock And Roll.

When you look back at the success a band like Limp Bizkit enjoyed back in the late 90’s, you really have to ask, “How the fuck did that happen?”

The short end of it is pretty simple. They covered a great song, “Faith” by George Michael, payola was still around, and the internet was still only getting piped into our homes over phone lines. So, it took about three days to download a song. Oh, and there is never a shortage of dummies in this country. As I’m writing this, Fast & Furious 6 just opened as the No. 1 movie in the country. Never a shortage of dummies.

“Faith” whipped up a Rap Rock frenzy on the Alt Rock airwaves across the country and as it started to fade, along came the perfectly timed Significant Other and seemingly overnight Limp Bizkit became America’s band. Fred Durst went from unknown poser, to the H.P.I.C. (Head Poser In Charge.) The Dirtbags had won! Wall Street investors made a fortune investing in hooded sweatshirt futures. The mighty Alternative Wave of the 90’s had crashed and drowned everybody capable of rational thought. Rap Rock had become the heir apparent to Grunge and Rock ‘N’ Roll has NEVER RECOVERED!

There’s an episode of Family Guy where they play the entire video of David Bowie and Mick Jagger singing “Dancing In The Streets,” and when it’s over Peter Griffin looking into the camera says, “That happened. And we all let it happen.” We all let Limp Bizkit happen.

“Nookie?” Really? “I did it all for the nookie, so you can take that cookie and stick it up your…” That was a fucking hit! By the time “Re-Arranged” became a single it was all over, there was no turning back. Limp Bizkit was now the mouthpiece for every useless kid that felt being a do-nothing loser was an expression of independence.  A bunch of dumbass potheads were now the lost generation? Pfffft! Put down your bowls and stop acting like assholes at the mall! You’re bored because you don’t do ANYTHING! Your parents hate you because you’re an embarrassment! “Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” indeed!

In the spirit of fairness I will say that “Break Stuff,” has been a fairly consistent source of joy for me. I love it! “I just might… BREAK YOUR FUCKING FACE TONIGHT! Just give me something to break. How ‘bout your fucking face?” Juvenile and dumb as shit, but boy does it pump my nads!

The architects of Nu-Metal. Thank you Korn!  

I wish I had a picture of my face the first time I heard the dirtbag anthem “Shoots And Ladders,” from their 1994 debut. I couldn't fucking stand how Jonathan Davis would figuratively blow himself explaining how the song was exposing the true meaning of children’s nursery rhymes. No kidding, dipshit! Anyone that fucking went to history class in Junior High knows that. That song still pisses me off. Then the timeless gem “A.D.I.D.A.S,” from Life Is Peachy, really showcased the creative boundaries this band had no idea how to overcome.

When Follow The Leader was released, I wanted it to bomb, I wanted it to bomb big and for Korn to go back where they belonged, engulfed in my poop!

I was riding in a Limo with a broken leg when I heard “Got The Life” for the first time. I fucking loved it and still pretty much do. “Freak On A Leash” has its moments too, but I never bothered to actually listen to anything else on this album. And then Korn became tracksuit wearing doofuses who married porn stars and filled swimming pools with money. Life is so God damn unfair!

This album sounded exactly like I thought it would.

Here’s the thing about this comeback. We all knew it was coming someday. We all knew it was going to be a big deal in the wiener community and it was going to cause flooding in the pants of chubby teen girls all across the globe. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

The problem that I have with this comeback is the woe-is-me act Fall Out Boy’s bassist, Vinegar Douche, put on in the press when it was first announced. He “didn't think people would care,” and he didn't think anybody would show up for their first show in their FUCKING HOMETOWN. Do me a fucking favor Vinegar Douche! Google the definition of the word earnest and then try to put it into practice in your everyday life.

This record is the perfect comeback for a high caliber Emo band looking to strike a chord with the 20-something boneheads who bought into their bullshit when they were thirteen. God bless.

I was actually looking forward to hearing Courtney Love and Elton John’s contributions to this album, but they’re nothing special. Courtney just rants and Elton sounds out of place.

Oh, and it’s Rock ‘N’ Roll goobers! Not Rock and Roll!

4.18.13

On April 18th I listened to NOFX Punk In Drublic and Face To Face Face To Face, and Three Chords & A Half Truth.

NOFX was never “my band.” I think if I was younger, I might have been attracted to their sound. But, by the time I got wind of them when they released the wonderfully titled White Trash, Two Heebs And A Bean,  I was a big man of the world and a very mature 21-years-old. Not really, but NOFX’s brand of goofball Punk Rock wasn't for me. Sure, I love the Dead Milkmen, but I started listening to them when I was 14, and I’m not even sure you can really compare the two.

I’m definitely not saying I don’t like NOFX, I just wasn't part of their scene. Punk In Drublic was released in 1994 and there was an avalanche of fucking awesome music released that year. I was riding high on the Alt Rock wave and NOFX wasn't on my radar. Oddly enough, I absolutely love Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, which features NOFX’s Fat Mike.

I picked this album, because it’s the band’s most successful release. It’s somewhat fun. I didn't hate listening to it, but I also don’t have the time to give it, to really “get it.” I liked “Dig” for some reason and kept going back to it.

The one thing that I always loved about NOFX is their integrity. They made music for the fans and didn't give a shit about anything else. Interviews, videos, major labels and selling out were all never a part of their agenda.

The only thing I knew from Face To Face prior to Face To Face was the song “Disconnected,” which was on both of their first two albums.

Face To Face was usually a one or two song an album band for me. When this one came out in 1996, I’d listen to “Ordinary” and “I Won’t Lie Down” and not much else. So, I wanted to go back and give the whole disc another shot.

There’re a couple other good tracks here that I was ignoring. I never really compared Face To Face with Bad Religion, but the album’s opener “Resignation” has a definite Bad Religion vibe. “Walk The Walk” is a keeper. I definitely remember “Everything’s Your Fault,” and I’m pissed I probably haven’t heard it since the 90’s.

When I got my first MP3 player in 2000, a 5G Nomad Jukebox, it only fit 1,500 songs, so I had to make a lot of concessions. I only ripped the two songs I liked from this disc and never looked back and I did that with probably a hundred other albums.

The major problem with a lot of band’s like Fact To Face and NOFX is, outside a few little pieces of flair here and there, most of the songs sound way too much alike. But, it’s the themes and passion, conviction or humor put into the lyrics that keep us interested. I dunno, maybe?

I like the first song, “123 Drop.” Everything else seemed forced, misguided, or just boring. Sorry Face To Face.

4.17.13

On April 17th I listened to Sunny Day Real Estate Diary, Mercury Rev Yerself Is Steam, and The Flaming Lips The Terror.

Did I listen to the wrong Sunny Day Real Estate album? Is there a good one? Should I not have started at the beginning?

I really have no memory of this band until 1998’s How It Feels To Be Something On. I may have heard of them, but I certainly didn't listen to them until then. The whole Emo thing was starting to take off and at the time I was 27 and thankfully years past the cut-off age for falling into that trap. Plus, my Indie Rock ears were old enough to filter through most of that waste-of-time genre. I do like some of it and I'll admit to it. 

And now for something completely different…

Dear Emo fan,

You wanna know why I think you’re a pussy? Because you’re mommy sent you on play dates and you probably were put on a leash in public. You were destined to become a crap loving twerp. 

Me? I grew up in the fucking wild! The 70’s, baby! Learning to swim without waterwings! Ten kids in the back of a pickup truck barreling down the thruway! Being sent to the store to buy cigarettes! Shoplifting everything! Watching porn on HBO after midnight on a Friday night! Being handed a box of explosives and a pack of matches on the 4th of July. All before I was in kindergarten and usually with an inebriated adult around muttering “you kids, be careful.” 

Here is an absolutely true story. When I was ten-years-old, I was watching TV on a Sunday night with my dad. He was working his way through a case of Schmidt’s. That was his beer, probably still is, and he also smoked Kool Ultra Lights. I know, right? I don’t know why I feel compelled to say this, but he isn’t black. How did I manage to become a completely different kind of loser than him? Beats me.

So, we’re watching TV and A Clockwork Orange comes on cable. The old man doesn't say a word, because he probably forgot I was in the room. When we get to the scene where Billy Boy and his droogs are about to perform a little of the old in-out in-out on a frantically distraught and completely naked woman, my dad looks around, sees me and asks, “ isn't it past your bedtime?” It was hours after my bedtime. “C’mon! Ten more minutes,” I cried. “Well,” he said. “Go brush your teeth,” in an attempt to get me out of the room until the woman’s boobs and hairy bush were no longer on television. I watched from the hallway until Alex and his droogs showed up and started kicking some ass!

When I returned from “brushing my teeth,” the old man was sound asleep. I finished his beer, lit one of his smokes and nestled down on the floor to watch the droogs play hogs of the road, on their way for a bit of the old ultra-violence. 

Do you want to know what the really fucked up part of this whole experience was? I was ten, so I’d seen a tit or two in Playboy and on cable. I might have seen some 70’s action movies that were kind of violent, but I had never seen anything like this in my life. Constant raping and fighting and I watched it all with no real sense of shock. If I had been with a couple of other kids, maybe we would have gotten all riled up, like a pack of kids do. Alone in the dark, after my bedtime, on a Sunday night, in 1981, I watched A Clockwork Orange as I would have watched The Tonight Show. Completely euphoric that I was up after 11 on a school night. 

I often wonder if that experience helped shape me in any way. Duh!

I’m assuming when you were 10 or 11 you heard Fall Out Boy on the radio and thought you were cool. Pffffffussy!

All my love,

Brad Maybe

I don’t wanna say that all of Diary reminded me of a toddler sucking his thumb after a hissy fit, because there are soundal elements (I’m making soundal a word.) that reminded me of artists I like; Hayden and Tugboat Annie. Both, even more obscure then Sunny Day Real Estate. Hayden for the deep drawn out whining and Tugboat Annie for some of the more Rock moments.

If you ever thought Dave Grohl was being a jerk to William Goldsmith about his drumming, which led to his departure from the Foo Fighters, just listen to this album. His playing is too distracting. In retrospect, I think Dave at least gave Goldsmith the opportunity to play better and he just couldn't do it.

I’m working on amassing a playlist of songs taken from all the albums that I've listened to this year. I might take five or six songs from a great album. I at least want to come away with one song from the albums that I don’t outright hate. I’m going to put “47” from Diary on that playlist. The rest of it can go pout in the corner.

I just realized I’m writing about A Clockwork Orange and the fact that William Goldsmith from Sunny Day Real Estate was in the Foo Fighters like everybody should know all about that stuff… and I guess they all fucking should!

I can listen to old Butthole Surfers and Ween records all day long and be highly entertained. I listen to stuff like this and I’m usually highly irritated. It’s all weird in its own way, but your Mercury Revs and Flaming Lipses of the world take themselves way too fucking seriously. Calm down Art Rock dicks! You’re not researching the cure for cancer. You’re helping to enhance people’s drug trips! Woopdee –fucking–doo! So does a Cheech & Chong movie.

Having said that, I actually like Yerself Is Steam. It’s got its weird moments. It’s got its rock moments. It’s got its touching little moments. Then it ends with “Car Wash Hair,” which for some reason I absolutely adore. I saw Mercury Rev play a 700 person room in the late nineties. Most of the show was way too fucking loud and unbearably boring, but somewhere in the set they played “Car Wash Hair,” and everyone in the rooms’ pants exploded. There was shit, piss, cum and vaginal juices all over the floor and it was really beautiful.

The Terror finds The Flaming Lips entering into a new dimension of their musical journey. This album creates a sprawling landscape of waves, colliding and spinning in a self-loathsome downward spiral of depression. Nothing can stop the boundless creativity that these true musicians possess. Another crowning achievement for the band that can find new an interesting ways to shovel bullshit into their fans' mouths. 

Past accomplishments have made The Flaming Lips completely bulletproof to criticism. 

The average dipshit probably barely remembers “She Don’t Use Jelly,” and/or has politely clapped during one of The Flaming Lips' gimmicky festival performances as they wait for Coldplay to come on in four hours. 

But, the people that really love this band believe everything they do is brilliance on top of brilliance with a side of extra hidden brilliance that can be only heard by them and it’s that hidden brilliance that keeps the band’s cred fully intact.

This record was lauded over by pretty much every media outlet and blog out there.

They all say the same things. Each gush-fest begins with a near dismissal of the band’s previous releases of real music, by cleverly saying they were too easy to like. Then the spin kicks in with a lot of high praise for any single element of a “song” the writer could zero in on, followed by a lot of dazzling bullshit. Each review reads like an old school record shop dick looking down on a customer for not getting it. Reading all the asswipes' high praise for this album is actually better than the album. 

If you got nothing better to do, pull up any five reviews for The Terror and cue it up. Hit play, start reading and get ready for the second coming of Jesus Christ… or not.  

The Flaming Lips peaked over a decade ago with The Soft Bulletin and Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots. Those two records were so fucking good the world has issued the band a free pass with no expiration date. So don’t expect too many people to write anything bad about any of their shit records anytime soon.

Someone over at the Huffington Post actually wrote a bad review of The Terror. Unfortunately, it was written by a junior high school newspaper entertainment reporter. The trolls came out in force! My favorite entry from the comment section said, “Time to listen more attentively. No pop candy this time. Nor is this record for the attention span-challenged. It's fearless and powerful.” That is the mentality with this record. If you don't like it, it's YOUR fault and fans of this record can put dashes between any two words they-want! 

Moreover, Mr. Commenter is attempting to create a caste system within The Flaming Lips' fanbase. I like "pop candy," but I fucking hate bullshit. Am I “attention span-challenged?” I obviously spent a shitload of time listening to this record, researching it, and writing about it. Am I “fearless and powerful” too? Are fans of this album better than the fans that don’t like this album? If that commenter is using the word fearless correctly than I don’t know what it means.

This is clearly a record that was not just thrown together. I  believe the end result is the vision and hard work of everyone that contributed. This album is what it was designed to be. It creates an outer space spooky vibe with a hint of dentist drill annoyance and it’s apparently about being alone, being depressed, or some shit like that. 

Are you familiar with a guy named Bear McCreary? He is the guy that wrote the theme for The Walking Dead. It’s fucking brilliant. It couldn't sound more like a zombie apocalypse.

McCreary also scored 70 episodes of the recent Battlestar Galactica series. If you’re a fan of that show than you’ll agree McCreary absolutely nailed the mood of a dwindling number of human survivors, in outer space, on the run from robots, while on a nearly hopeless mission to find a new home planet. The Terror doesn't hold a candle to that hunk of work.

I think that comparing it to a soundtrack is fair, because that’s all The Terror sounds like. A soundtrack to a movie that doesn't exist. Who listens to soundtracks? When was the last time you were driving around with your friends and one of them said, “Throw on the music that was playing when they discovered Earth was completely contaminated and everyone on Galactica wanted to commit suicide?”

Oh, and a big fuck off to Wayne Coin (sic) for recently dismissing my beloved Stone Roses. Please don’t ever release your versions of their songs. Thank you.

I HAVE SPOKEN!

End Transmission. 

Hello God? It's Me Wayne. You know I'm full Of Shit, Right?

4.16.13

On April 16th I listened to PJ Harvey Rid Of Me, Ani Difranco Not A Pretty Girl, and Yeah Yeah Yeahs Mosquito.

Let’s play a quick game of Murder, Marry, Screw! Today’s three options are PJ Harvey, Ani Difranco and Karen O. I’m pretty sure they’d all love being objectified in this fashion.

Without much thought I would marry Karen O. She’s the youngest in the group. She’s half Polish, and I’m 100% Polish. She seems very energetic. Plus, she’s big in the NYC scene. So, she’ll probably be invited to cool events for the next thirty years and I’ll be right by her side acting like a total douche. “Who’s that guy?” “Ugh! That’s Karen O.’s husband. He’s probably looking for the open bar.”

Now, what to do with the English songbird that has a very pretty mouth and mannequin legs  and the feminist folk singer who hails from Buffalo, NY, just like me? With a heavy heart I’d have to turn my back on my hometown pride and make sweet sweet love to PJ Harvey. Besides PJ was never afraid to show a little skin to sell some records.

"O.K. Make it quick. And remember, no kissing!"

I have enjoyed a lot of PJ Harvey’s music over the last 20 years, but I don't enjoy any of her other albums as much as Rid Of Me. Polly Jean’s howl on this record is absolutely intoxicating. An angst ridden siren, she is.

This is another record that I've shelved for too long. If I've heard anything off this disc in the last few years it’s been either “Rid Of Me,” Or “Man-Size” and the whole thing deserves my attention.  This album is a fucking riot. It’s so heavy and the raw recording gives it a warm, yet chilling sound. It’s like sweating in a cold basement, which is where it sounds like it was made.

PJ’s filthy lyrics and passion are just so God damn sexy. There are plenty of great lines to quote here, but when I was listening to Rid Of Me today, “Have you ever wished me dead?” from “Legs” really stuck out for some reason.

Congratulations to Ani Difranco! She became a mother for the second time on April 6th!

I think many music fans, outside of her fanbase, had a genuine fascination with Ani in the early 90’s. Who is this woman with all the heat?  Is she gonna sign with a major label? She’s marrying a dude?

Living in her hometown of Buffalo, NY when she was on fire, it was hard to not pay attention to everything she did. I listened to all the albums when they came out, I've seen her play live a handful of times, and I have a genuine appreciation for a lot of her music. That all kind of waned at the turn of the century. I’m pretty sure 1999’s Up Up Up Up Up Up was the last album I listened to with the intent of finding her “break out smash hit!” She never really had one, and I'm sure she doesn't care about that. She settled into a nice long career, runs her little music empire, and I'm assuming she’s happy raising her family.

I picked Not A Pretty Girl because in 1995 I thought Ani Difranco was going to be the biggest thing on the planet. This album finds a lifer at their zenith. It’s her masterpiece. “Shy” and “32 Flavors” are the disc’s heavy hitters. “Worthy,” “Cradle And All,” and “The Million You Never Made” are the utility players that are having a great game, and there’re moments to be had on every song. Not A Pretty Girl even comes with its own litmus test. Just listen to the 38 second poem “Tiptoe." If you’re down with it, you’re gonna love this album, if it makes you feel uneasy then you should move along.

One of my favorite lines from the disc comes from “The Million You Never Made.” “Life is a sleazy stranger, who looks vaguely familiar, flirting with a bimbo named disaster, at the end of the bar.” Whose life doesn't look like that?

Not A Pretty Girl lived and breathed beneath everything that got too much attention for sucking. For every million people that bought a Dishwalla CD, there was a considerable smaller amount of people going to see Ani play live or picking up her albums, and being genuinely touched by what she was saying. Then the same million dipshits that got sick of “Counting Blue Cars” ran out to buy an Eve 6 album, never knowing there was something more substantial to be had just a few bins over at the record store.  (My argument is pretty vague and self serving. I just like to dump on shit records that where hits.)

My real point is that Not A Pretty Girl is a showcase of great songwriting. Streetwise poetry written by the girl that got shit on quite a few times, at least it sounded like she got shit on a few times. Either way, I give this album 10 out of 10 titties. (I’m sorry. Sometimes feminine energy makes me act out.)

I really don’t know what to make of this record. I think I like it, but I definitely don't like that album cover! Just awful! It looks like a deleted scene from Monsters Vs. Aliens.

The album’s opener “Sacrilege” sure sounds important. Karen O.’s performance alternates from whispering to classic O. squawking and then a Gospel choir comes in to sweep it all up to Indie Rock Heaven… I guess. Not really something to throw on for a trip to the store to buy smokes, unless that’s just what you told your family and you’re not planning on coming back. In that case, it might work.

Then “Subway” comes rolling in and it sounds like they’re wrapping Mosquito up already. I posted all the lyrics on Craig’s List’s Missed Connections section under the heading, “On The L Train.” I got 4,000 responses and only half of them were pictures of guys’ junk. So, maybe it is good. But at this point the train sound effects to bookend the track and the Gospel choir on "Sacrilege" is leaving me feel like the album is gonna be a little hacky. 

If I was doing A&R for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, I would have said, “can you write five more songs like ‘Mosquito?’” Crazy and annoying, like the band used to do.

It's during "Mosquito" that a wave of optimism for the rest of the album.

“Under the Earth,” and “Slave” have a groove that I believe I can definitely hang with. This is gonna sound really weird, but “Under The Earth” reminds me of Asian Henry Mancini meets Portishead.

“These Paths” is rather grating. 

When “Area 52” comes up, I should be happy because it’s got that Yeah Yeah Yeahs sound and energy I like, but it makes me wonder if the last four songs sound too much alike? There’s a string that starts during “Under The Earth” and goes forth into the next few songs.

“Buried Alive” is aiiiight. 

“Always” is a little too dreamy. 

“Despair” is a pretty good candidate for a single. I definitely see it ending up on a soundtrack to a movie or one of those crappy TV shows that chicks watch where a character has to do a narration at the end of each episode in an attempt to make the shitshow you just watched more important that it actually was. You know what I mean? Pretty much every hour long show on ABC the last few years. 

Considering that I just proposed marriage to Karen O., “Wedding Song” can be our wedding song. We’ll get Ani Difranco to sing it, right before... you know. 

This is going to sound like a dumb question, but is this a concept album? Oh, and rereading this write up makes me look like I just think this is Karen's band. The other two fellows do a great job too!

I just couldn't resist posting this picture of PJ's mannequin legs.

4.15.13

On April 15th I listened to 311 311 and Transistor, and My Chemical Romance Conventional Weapons.

I can tell you when I started to like 311 and when I started to hate 311. I became a fan in late 1992, and I got really sick of them exactly ten years later in 2002 when "Amber" hit the radio. I think I always knew it, but listening to these two albums today, made me finally come to terms with it. I hate 311!

I was a college senior in the fall of 1992 and was doing the highly coveted 3-6pm Friday afternoon shift on my college radio station with my best friend, Joe Bagodonuts. (I actually tried to rewrite that so it didn't sound so gay… it’s impossible and I don’t care.) We called it “The 2 For 1 Show.”  In November we got a three song EP from a band called 311. The emphasis track was “Freak Out,” but we didn't give a shit about that, we loved the last song on the disc called “Hydroponic” and for the rest of the time I was in college radio, we played it a lot!

I didn't bother listening to anything else from 311 until they released their self-titled album in 1995 and I absolutely loved “Don’t Stay Home.” To this day I love that song. I had listened to the whole album a couple of times but didn't care much for it. In the fall of 1996 I landed my first job doing 6-midnight on a commercial alternative station and was playing “Down” at least once a night. Then we were playing “All Mixed Up” about every other hour. And so it began.

When I was listening to this album I swear I thought I heard Nick Hexum rap something on “Hive” like, “I’m Nick Hexum and I’m here to say, I like to watch the ladies flex ‘em. Cause it takes two,” or something that fucking stupid. They steal so many cues from Public Enemy, The Beastie Boys and even Rob Base, I can’t believe they didn't take more shit for this album.

By the time the “If you hurt her again, I’ll fuck you up” rant comes at the end of “Don’t Let Me Down” I was done with this record.

It was the beginning of the end of the “gay 90’s” and Rap Rock was coming to shit down a good times’ throat.

Transistor is pretty much useless. I remember liking and then growing very tired of “Beautiful Disaster,” because I was playing it twice a night on the radio. I never listened to this album more than once or twice looking for “singles,” and I guess I didn't find any. Boring cheap white Reggae Rock.

After The Black Parade, I remember reading a quote from Gerard Way about the next My Chemical Romance record. He basically said they weren't going to do another concept record and they were just going to Rock! I was genuinely thrilled with this information because I became a fan of the band when they released Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge in 2004.

They put out Three Cheers in June and a guy that I used to work with was raving it about it constantly, so I finally had to listen to it, just to shut him up. I love that record, just as much as a 15-year-old girl does! I remember at the time when it started to take off Indie assholes saying things like it’s not as good as I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, their previous effort. Why is everyone such an asshole?

The first chance I had to see the band was on the Face To Face Farewell Tour which was blowing through Irving Plaza on August 21. I was going more for Face To Face, but was looking forward to seeing My Chem. They blew Face To Face off the fucking stage. Gerard Way was still chunky and really creepy looking and knew how to work the crowd like a fucking champ. After their set, half the place left and Face To Face came out with sleeping bags and napped on the stage for an hour.

I was with someone from Reprise and they wanted me to meet Way. We were upstairs in the VIP balcony at Irving and he came up a few minutes after the band’s set. The place had kind of cleared out and not a lot of people were milling around. I very enthusiastically told him how much I enjoyed their set and the album and wished them the best of luck. I’m about a solid foot taller than Way and he’s very soft spoken so I had to do a lot of leaning in to hear him. He was very gracious and nice, but boy did he stink! He was wearing an old black suit that didn't fit him and the odor permeating off of him was a thick combination of B.O., puke, cigarette smoke, and moth balls. A lethal concoction that had me gagging. Luckily, after a minute, and by the way he was tremendously nice he just smelled, I noticed a few fans gathered just outside the VIP area waiting to talk to Way. So, I told him to stop wasting his time talking to me and go say hi to his fans. He did and as he left a trail of stink followed close by. Six months later, he lost like 50 pounds and looked, and probably smelled, like Rock star.

So, My Chemical Romance recorded the songs that make up Conventional Weapons before they recorded Danger Days and with super producer Brendan O’Brien. I guess it was supposed to be Danger Days, but for some reason they shitcanned everything, hired producer Rob Cavallo and wrote the comic book story that Danger Days became. I’m not a fan of that album at all. It’s my balls. Highly inventive and really creative, for sure! I just don’t like my Rock bands singing about laser beams. “Sing” is okay, and I thought I liked “Planetary (Go!)” for a minute, but “Na Na Na Na Na Na,” really rubbed me the wrong way.

The big question is why did they shelf these songs that make up Conventional Weapons? I LOVE THEM! I’m serious! “Boy Division” slams it like it’s straight off of Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, which I’m assuming is the reason for them shelving these songs. They didn't want to repeat themselves.

I don’t even know if any of this album made it on to the radio. Was it worked to Rock and Alternative radio stations? I have no idea, I live in NYC where there’s only one Rock station and it’s Classic Rock. Weird right?

“Boy Division” is your first single for sure! It Rocks and it’ll whet everyone’s appetite for your second single. “The World Is Ugly” is a slam dunk. Follow that up with another rocker, “Ambulance.” Then back to a slower track, probably “Surrender The Night.” Album gets certified platinum. Thanks for playing armchair record label promotions.

Is that even happening? Did that happen? This album is getting played on the radio, right?

  

4.14.13

On April 14th I listened to The Goo Goo Dolls Hold Me Up and Superstar Car Wash, and Alkaline Trio My Shame Is True.

I love The Goo Goo Dolls and I don’t care who knows it! We’re both from Buffalo, NY and I watched them go from local band to International Superstars!

I also have a great deal of respect for the band. Back in the day they had to literally fight for their very existence against the evil dicks over at Metal Blade Records, who had them locked into a pretty unfair contract. The financial hardships they endured at the hands of Metal Blade could have easily dissolved the band, but they stuck it out and they’re still around today! Living well is the best revenge!

Somewhere along the way they perfected a brand of chick Rock that keeps them in business. They put out albums every couple of years and go out on tour. This summer they’ll be hitting the road with Matchbox Twenty and I say, “Good for them!” Do I wish they’d get back to their Replacements worshiping Rock days? Yeah, but I won’t ever fault them for what they’re doing.

I currently work for a Pop radio station. I was on the air a few weekends ago when the station was giving away tickets to the upcoming Goo Goo Dolls/Matchbox Twenty shows. Before I gave away a pair of tickets, I tweeted from the radio station’s account. “We’ll be sure to tell everybody your ‘Name’ if you win Goo Goo Dolls/Matchbox 20 tix in 30 minutes! Get it? It’s a Goo’s song!” I know I suck.

A young lady replied to the tweet saying that she got it! “Name” was her favorite Dolls song, she was a superfan, and I should give her the tickets. I wrote back saying that she’ll have another chance to win in an hour and that “Two Days In February” is our favorite Goo Goo Dolls song. She had never heard it! She went and listened to it online, liked it and thanked me for recommending it. Her twitter handle had the word “goo” in it and her background was a picture of the band. Honestly, I can’t wrap my head around that. How could you call yourself a superfan of a band if you’re not familiar with their complete body of work? It makes me want to go to a Goo Goo Dolls show and hand out copies of Hold Me Up and Superstar Car Wash. “Here you go. Be sure to listen, because there’s gonna be a test!”

OK, the Dolls first two albums certainly aren't for the average thirty-something broad, but if you’re a self-proclaimed superfan, you should be familiar with Hold Me Up! GEE FUCKING WHIZ!

One of my favorite parts of older Goo Goo Dolls records are Robbie Takac songs. Robbie sang some great stuff for the band and Hold Me Up has two of his best songs, “Laughing” and “On Your Side.”

But it was “There You Are,” “Just The Way You Are,” and “Two Days In February,” that showed Johnny Rzeznik was emerging as a strong songwriter and his jams were going to start taking the band places. 

You should watch the video for “There You Are.” Johnny was quite a dresser back then.

I always thought Screaming Trees stole the entire concept for “Nearly Lost You.”

This is pretty much a flawless record for me. I can listen to the whole thing and never look for the fast forward button. Lance Diamond does a stellar job on the Prince cover, “Never Take The Place Of Your Man,” and their version of The Plimsouls “Million Miles Away,” is spot on! “Two Days In February” is my favorite Goo Goo Dolls song, because it’s a great little ballad and because they recorded it on the front porch of their house. You can hear cars driving by during the recording. I always thought that was kind of cool. They rerecorded it for their Greatest Hits collection, because fuck Metal Blade, but they couldn't recapture the charm of the original late night porch recording.

I remember hearing “We Are The Normal,” on WDRE in Long Island in 1993 and thinking the Goo Goo Dolls are the real deal! Here they are on the radio, outside of Buffalo, with a song they wrote with Paul Westerberg, whom they revered as a God. Who doesn’t?

Another perfect album for me, I can listen to the whole thing anytime and it still sounds fresh. Superstar turned twenty this past February and it doesn't sound dated at all.

“Girl Right Next To Me” was always my favorite from Superstar Car Wash. And I absolutely love Robbie's "Domino."

A couple of years ago I was having a discussion with some 20-year-old pukes about Alkaline Trio. They were fans of the band and I've been a casual follower since their 2001 release From Hear To Infirmary. I mentioned that I really liked “Calling All Skeletons” from their 2008 album Agony & Irony and was nearly laughed out of the room. “It’s too Poppy! I only like their earlier stuff,” was the general consensus. Typical. It’s like every band should just break up after their third album.

If “Calling All Skeletons” was too Poppy, then My Shame Is True could be made into heroin! Cause Poppy plants are used to make heroin. F U!

Do you remember the movie That Thing You Do? Towards the end Tom Hanks' character is telling Jimmy, the lead singer of The Wonders, what time it is. "I don't want any of this lover's lament crap," says Mr. White. "I want something peppy, something happy, something up-tempo I want something snappy." Alkaline Trio takes the "lover's lament crap," and makes it "snappy."

As far as Pop Punk goes, I’m not a big fan, but this album is solid from beginning to end. “She Lied To The FBI,” sets the pace for the disc with a fun little hooky romp and then My Shame Is True doesn't slow down for forty minutes. “The Temptation Of St. Anthony” is my favorite! “St. Anthony this agony, it’s eating at my soul.” St. Anthony, as we all know, is the patron saint of tattooed sleeves. Then Tim from Rise Against shows up on “I, Pessimist” and this album pops it into fifth gear as it tears down whatever road goes along the lake in Chicago. I’m not looking it up.

The last time I saw Alkaline Trio play was at Roseland ballroom in New York City on a bill with Rise Against and Gaslight Anthem. This was probably four or five years ago and I started talking with a woman by the bar between band sets. We were chitchatting for about ten minutes when I realized she wasn't really into any of the bands playing and she said, “I’m here with my daughter and her two friends, they’re all 13-years-old. Who are you here with?” “My nephew,” I blurted out. “I better go check on him. See ya!” 

2013 - The Year Of Music! UPDATE!

Hello Reader,

Thanks for following my adventures during 2013 - The Year Of Music! I like to think that listening to music can be an adventure and for four months, I've been on a lot of them. At the end of April, I'll have listened to 360 albums! That's more albums than the average person will listen to in the next five years... probably. I have no idea what the average person does, but I'm sure it sucks.

As April winds down, you may have noticed my posts have kind of fallen by the wayside. Yeah, me too. So, I'm going to alter the path here just a wee bit, take a breather and reflect on what I've done so far. (More on that in a minute.)

The impetuous for this whole thing was to get back into the habit of listening to "good" music on a daily basis. 2013 - The Year Of Music is a mission of discovery and rediscovery. Discover not only new music, but to go back and actually listen to all those records I've been meaning to hear for years. I also wanted to rediscover stuff that got lost along the way. I have forgotten about more music than the average person will hear in their entire lifetime... I'm assuming. The average person is pretty much a douche. 

Soon after I started listening to all this music, I got a hair up my ass to write about it. If I'm going to do something as grand as listening to three albums a day for a year I might as well document the undertaking. I used to fancy myself a writer and I wanted to start exercising that muscle again. 

There was also one other reason for doing this. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm kind of opinionated. Yeah, it's true. When I love something it's all sunshine and lollipops, but when I don't like something I get off on eating a shitload of asparagus and pissing all over it. It's just my nature. I like to think that when I do bag on shit it's done in a carefully crafted hysterical way. When I write something dastardly, I'm more interested in cracking myself up than anything else. 

Does it matter that The Beach Boys creep me out? No, but I just wanted to explain why. Will Django Django be able to pick up the pieces after I dismissed their album in two sentences? I'm pretty sure they will. Are Hot Chip, Best Coast, The Dirty Projectors, Grizzly Bear, and Sleigh Bells gonna keep cranking out the turds, getting all the good press and selling out for TV commercials even though I think they're shit? Fuckin' A!

I'm going to go off on a tangent here:

The only thing worse than a know-it-all, is a know-nothing-know-it-all, so I like to listen to everything, or as much of everything as I can, in order to formulate my opinion about it. Knowledge is power! Gotta walk the walk, if you're going to talk the talk. All that bullshit. So, if I don't like something I'm not going to be polite about it. Why bother? If reading the NY Post has taught me anything, and it hasn't taught me much, everybody loves snark!

The internet is filled with too much bullshit and too many music bloggers like to follow the philosophy that they only write about or "endorse" things they like. I've worked for entities like that and there's always an agenda there. I have no agenda other than looking for music that I can actually listen to and enjoy. The internet is also filled with negative creeps, trolls if you will, that just like to hate for hate's sake. I like to think I fall somewhere in the middle of all of that. 

For example, I just listened to the new album from The Flaming Lips The Terror. I hate it and I'm pretty sure I'll never hear another song off of it for as long as I live. I'm not gonna walk into a TGI Fridays for lunch and hear it playing. I'm not going to be drinking in a bar and hear it. If I find myself at a festival The Lips are playing I'll be so far away from the stage they're on I won't hear it. If I take a road trip and decide to tune in college radio stations, then and only then, there is a very slim chance I might hear it. I can live with those odds.

The Terror is a cheeseball concept record heavily disguised as a hard hitting look at isolation and depression... or some shit. It's the soundtrack to a shitty nonexistent sci-fi horror movie that takes itself way too seriously. As an album of music, it doesn't have any triggers. It's like walking down a dark hallway to see what's at the end and there's nothing there, but you were just supposed to be enjoying the dark hallway. It doesn't give you any gifts. "Always There, In Our Hearts," almost builds to something but it just fades away. "Look... The Sun Is Rising" is kind of interesting, but the whole album is just futuristic sounds and repetitive droning. 

I get it. The Terror is above writing "a song." I understand the concept of being that far left. If this album was in politics it would be supporting free abortions for illegal immigrants on Christmas day at the Ritz Carlton with taxpayer money. I just don't need to hear it. But, because of past accomplishments The Flaming Lips have so much hype and reverence it's almost impossible to find anybody saying anything truthful about The Terror. It's like the people writing great stuff about it are admiring The Emperor's New Clothes and I'm standing here looking at a fool in his underwear. Which, can be entertaining in a way. 

Bear with me, here. 

I was recently making fun of a music blogger for gushing over Tegan & Sara's new single "I Was A Fool." The lyric in the song is "I was a fool for love," and to me it's unbearably silly and trite. When I asked Mr. Blog if he liked Taylor Swift's "Trouble" too, I was questioning Tegan & Sara's inherent coolness. What makes one bubblegum pop song hipper than another bubblegum pop song? 

Mr. Blog tried to take the high road by saying he doesn't argue about musical taste, because that's what his parents do. I retorted with "well your parents sound like a couple of assholes," and he ended the discussion by blocking me from his Twitter account and deleting his end of the conversation. 

If Mr. Blog was right or even being honest, then why have I spent thirty years of my life engaging in debates, heated discussions, and arguments about musical tastes? Because that's what WE ALL DO, you fucking hypocrite! Piece of advice Mr. Blog, don't compare people you are disagreeing with, with something you hold dear. It opens the door to too many bad elements and I'm the kind of guy that's gonna march right through that door.

At the time, I honestly felt like he didn't really love the song and that he was just perpetrating an agenda. Mr. Blog is Canadian. Tegan & Sara are Canadian. He's a well known blogger and Tegan & Sara are becoming very popular. Was there something to be gained by Mr. Blog Tweeting to his 100K followers the he just loves their new single? I would think so. He might love the song, but who knows? Do I look like somebody that believes shit I read on the internet?

My point is that there are people that really do like what I find to be total and utter bullshit, and God bless them! We like what we like. But, there are also people that pretend to like utter bullshit because they are "paid*" to do so and because they think it's cool... and that's not cool. 

If I am anything, I am not cool and fuck you if you're trying to pretend that you are!

Tangent over!

Back to 2013 - The Year Of Music! I have become a little overwhelmed with the task I have laid out for myself. Listening to and writing about three albums a day is almost a full time job and I'm getting burnt out. So, in order to recharge the batteries I'm taking the entire month of May off! 

I'm going to use the time to catch up on the write ups that I never wrote and take another listen to the stuff I loved this year! 

Plus, in mid-February my MP3 player melted down and got wiped out. I've only repopulated it with the stuff that I've been listening to for this project and I miss all my go-to songs! I currently have a 160 gig MP3 player and somewhere in the vicinity of 300 gigs of music spread out over four external hard drives. Surprisingly, most of it is legally mine, but none of it is in any kind of order. 

So, don't nobody go nowhere. May is going to feature plenty of my dry wit as I finish the write ups I haven't completed. And be on the look out for June's playlist. All while I fill my MP3 player with the music that defines me. 

Thank you for your views! 

Brad F. Maybe 

PS I'm haunted by this song right now. It's chilling! I can't imagine being this paranoid. I haven't heard anything else by this band but I hear they are real tools, much like everyone in The Flaming Lips.

* Paid doesn't always mean money.

4.13.13

On April 13th I listened to Depeche Mode Violator, Pavement Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, and Depeche Mode Delta Machine. Depeche Mode is the Oreo and Pavement is the creamy filling.

I could definitely make a strong argument that this is the last great Depeche Mode album. Sure, they've had some great music since, but not a collection like Violator. Songs Of Faith And Devotion my ass! I’m looking at their discography right now and I have no memory of 2001’s Exciter! No memory of it what so ever!

That is weird, because I went to see them on that tour on June 30, 2001 in Philadelphia! I remember it vividly because I went to the show with Kurt Steffek from Mute Records! He bought me dinner beforehand. We went to Buddakan. I had the Pepper crusted Tuna Tartare! It melted in my mouth! I remember the show too, because we had been checking the setlists from previous shows and I really wanted to hear “Policy Of Truth.” They were switching it out with “Clean” in the encore every other night or so. Guess what? I got “Clean.”

If I can remember what I had for dinner and what the encore of a show was that I saw in 2001, why can’t I remember an album from a band I love? Hold on…

OK, I just scanned it. I do remember “Dream On.” Not much else. Weird.

I got off on a tangent there.

The only problem with Violator is that it’s too short! A mere nine songs make up this album, but they’re all flawless. It’s a perfect record, so maybe that’s why they didn't want to fuck with it and add a tenth song. For an album that just turned twenty-three years old, its timeless vitality has brought it to 2013 sounding as fresh as ever. One of my all-time favorite albums.

This is a spring record to me. I was nineteen when it came out in March of 1990. Awful Buffalo winter was coming to an end and the weather just kept getting better and better the more I listened to this album. 

I remember a night of college drinking and riding back to campus with a car load of people. It was one of the first warm nights of the year, so the car windows were down and Violator was cranked up in my friend George’s 1989 Chevy Cavalier Z24! Good times.

Soon after its release, Violator contributed a phrase that became a permanent part of my lexicon of slang. A small group of us drove up to Toronto to see Front 242. I broke a guy’s nose at the show, but I’ll save that story for a Front 242 record write up. The show was loud, we over did it in the mosh pit, and on the way home there was a slight argument about what to listen to on the 90 minute drive. My head was pounding and after a minute of bickering I turned the radio off and said, “Let’s just enjoy the silence for a little while.” It actually worked and to this day it’s my polite way of telling someone to shut up.

At its best Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain captures the trials and tribulations of being a young man and in a band, in typical young man fashion… all over the place. At its worst, this album is annoying as fuck. Quite a dichotomy.

I always thought the album’s opener “Silent Kit,” was a subtle rip-off of Buddy Holly’s “Everyday” and when I Googled Pavement and Buddy Holly, I found this guy. I was right about something! Fuckin’ A!

Some Guy Mashing Up "Everyday" and "Silent Kit."

For too long this album was just about “Cut Your Hair” for me. I remember thinking that it was a novelty song that I would probably get sick of, but that didn't happen. It's too cleaver and I'll never get sick of the word play with career and Korea and the line, "did you see the drummer's hair?"

I had listened to the whole album a bunch of times and just didn't “get it.” But then one night out I heard “Range Life” in a bar and that all changed. The whole thing started to sound great to me pretty quickly after that. 

When I say something like that, it makes me wonder about music that I’m quickly dismissing in my old age. If I was twenty would I have listened to Sleigh Bells over and over and found their appeal? I did that with Pavement and countless other bands. I just kept listening to them until I heard what I needed to in order to “get it.” Can I make it work with so many bands I'm not "getting" today? Grizzly Bear? Best Coast? And all the other wimpy bands that get fawned all over? No, everything does suck nowadays, but I’m sure proud of myself when I have thoughts like that. I’m deep.

I only got to see Pavement once on the Lollapalooza Tour they played in '95. I remember fighting with my asshole friends cause I wanted to move closer, but nobody wanted to get dirty. Pussies!

“Stop Breathin’,” The Pixies inspired “Unfair,” and the annoying “Hit The Plane Down” are just a few more of my favorites from Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain.

Long before Delta Machine was released it was being described as a Blues album. The name alone, Delta Machine, screams blues and I was kind of hoping the boys were going to be picking up a steel guitar and twanging out the down and dirty sounds of the American south. I initially was disappointed that it’s more of a synth Blues affair.

The first time I listened to it, I was bored out of my mind! Creepy and too slow were my two biggest complaints. “Angel” is the biggest culprit of that. But then I listened to it again and it got a little better. Finally, on the third listen I found some stuff I liked, but Delta Machine isn't really a solid album as a whole. I read a couple reviews that said it's the band's best album. Pffffft!

I’m now having a love/hate relationship with “Angel.” Dave Gahan’s performance really punches some buttons in me on this one and I like that. “Broken” has an old school DM feel to it, but falls just a pube short of actually sounding like the band in the 80’s. It’s close though! Martin Gore’s vocals on “The Child Inside” make me feel uneasy, to say the least. “Heaven” reminds me of Portishead just a little.

The first time I listened to the album when I got to “Slow,” I thought, “Yeah, that about sums up this whole record.” But, it has the first hint of an actual Blues inspiration. I just wish it was rawer.

"Soothe My Soul” is definitely the hit here and it’s a shame that I’m not hearing it outside of when I’m hitting play myself on my MP3 player. “Goodbye” delivers some more Blues sounds, although there’s some synth noodling I could do without. I’d love to hear stripped down mix of it. 

Tomorrow I listen to Goo Goo Dolls Hold Me Up and Superstar Car Wash and Alkaline Trio My Shame Is True.

Here's April's Playlist!