6.3.13

On June 3rd I listened to Vampire Weekend Contra and Modern Vampires Of The City.

Quickly after Vampire Weekend's debut album was released, I wanted to punch them in their smug douchey faces! Everything about them was maddening! All the hype! All the preppie bullshit! All the selling out! “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa,” are you kidding me! “Oxford Common?” I wished somebody would beat the band to death with their own penny loafers!

During the summer of 2008 I was voice tracking a weekend shift for an Alt Rock station in Philadelphia and I was playing “A Punk,” at least once a shift. Thank God I was only voice tracking and didn't actually have to hear the whole song. I just listened to the intro as I recorded whatever dopey thing I was going to say. One time I had nothing of value to add to the intro of the song and said, “Did you know that Vampire Weekend was originally called Count Chocula’s Surprise? But, General Mills sent them a cease and desist letter, so they changed their name. Here’s ‘A-Punk!’”. Having stared at boxes of Count Chocula as a kid, I didn't even have to look up that it was made my General Mills. Just another shard of useless bullshit stuck in my head.

The next day the program director of the station called me and asked if what I said was true. He’s a real jokester. After I explained it was just a goof, he asked me to lay off the “wacky” stuff and keep it short and serious. I got told to stop having fun on the radio because of Vampire Weekend! Mother fuckers!

Then in late 2009, “Horchata” was released a few months before Contra was to come out. I couldn't have hated that stupid song more! It’s worse than anything on the first one and I hoped and hoped it would mean the end of Vampire Weekend!

Something funny happened when I got Contra in early 2010. I LOVED it! I was quietly listening to it for months and telling no one of my secret shame. It sounds like Paul Simon’s Graceland and what’s wrong with that?

“California English,” “Holiday,” “Cousins,” and “Giving Up The Gun,” were my instant favorites as I slowly grew to love the whole thing, except for “Horchata." 

Towards the end of that year “Holiday” was in literally every commercial on TV for two months straight and boy did they quickly make my shitlist! OK, just Target and Hilfiger commercials, but c’mon man! I left this album in 2010 and never looked back!

I still do secretly love Contra though!

When I heard the dumbly named Modern Vampires Of The City was coming out in May, I actually looked forward to hearing it. I watched one of the Steve Buscemi videos they made to “promote it” and was embarrassed for everyone involved. C’mon Nuck! You’re better than that! The first time I heard anything from this album was when Vampire Weekend appeared on SNL.

From the late 80's until early 2000, I used to listen to a radio station out of Toronto called CFNY. It was a 90’s Alt Rock powerhouse that has since become a boring turd. One day, in around 1993, I was listening to a new music feature and they played a really bad song that utilized the word “baby” about 1,000 times. Fuck, if I can remember who the jock was! I think it was a guy named Martin Streek, or maybe Dave Bookman, but I like to think it was Streek.

Martin Streek was on-air at CFNY for 17 years and I had a love/hate relationship with him. He came off a little pompous, but was a great jock. He loved music and had a wicked sense of humor and that definitely influenced my style as a jock. In 2009, Martin was released from his gig at CFNY. The home he’d known since he started working there as an intern in 1984 was ripped from his life. In an all too familiar scenario that has been plaguing radio stations for years, Martin was fired to save the company a little money. Two months later he died by his own hand after posting this status update, “So... I guess that's it... thanks everyone... I'm sorry to those I should be sorry to, I love you to those that I love, and I will see you all again soon (not too soon though)... Let the stories begin.” Some question Martin Streek’s motivation to end his own life and believe that his dismissal from CFNY was not the reason. He had new projects in the works and seemed to be moving quickly towards his second life. I like to believe that’s true, because fuck the bean counters!

So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. – John 2:15

So, anyway! CFNY played a song that said “baby” a thousand times and Streek, or Bookman, come out of the song and shared their philosophy about using the word “baby” in a song. I can’t even paraphrase what he said, but I definitely was caught off guard with a big chuckle. I couldn't agree more that using “baby” in song lyrics was generally awful business. Every so often a “baby” heavy song will come along and I’ll be reminded of that bit.

On May 11, 2013 Vampire Weekend was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, it was their third appearance. I watched in a weird catatonic like gaped mouth astonishment as Vampire Weekend threw around the word “baby” more times than a Justin Bieber encore. “Baby, baby, baby, baby, right on time.” Then Better Than Ezra did that weird vocal effect to his voice and dropped the word "baby" in what sounded like slow motion. Quite frankly, I was appalled. I have listened to that song a lot since then and I get it, but c'mon man! “Baby, baby, baby, baby, get a job!”

I particularly loved reading all the reviews for Modern Vampires In The City. I saw two that compared this album to the Beastie Boys’ Paul’s Boutique, in that it was a huge departure from the band’s previous work and incredibly innovating. As I grow older I have come to embrace the older characters in movies I have loved since I was a child, and you know what? Mr. Hand was right! Everyone is on pot!

Yeah, Vampire Weekend didn't make Graceland II again, but it’s not that far from their other stuff. They just found new weird stuff to co-opt.

I've listened to this album a few times since it was released and it’s not moving me much in one way or the other. “Step” should be the next single. “Don’t Lie,” and “Finger Back” are both kind of interesting. “Worship You” seems like the best candidate to sell to Madison Avenue and the rest.

Next up... I listen to "Weird Al" Yankovic Dare To Be Stupid and Daft Punk Random Access Memories.