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| I wasted way too much time making this stupid collage! Can you find one of Demi Moore's tits? |
Welcome to 1984 – The Golden Year Of Hollywood!
1984! A truly glorious year for the silver screen! Quite
possibly the best year for film since Gone With The Wind, or some shit! A topic that’s definitely
up for debate, but if you look at the sheer volume of great films that were
released, you’ll agree – Something was going on in 1984. The
something probably being that Hollywood’s head wasn't shoved up its own ass!
So many groundbreaking and unique movies were being released
in 1984, that they didn't know how to rate them. They needed something to put
between PG and R and came up with PG-13. A total crock of shit, but who cares? It
used to be if a movie had sex and dropped some F-bombs it got an R. Couple of tits
and a few shits got a PG and it was all pretty cut and dry. Then thanks to Mr. Steven “Fucking” Spielberg, we got
the summer blockbusters that liked to mix a little of the ulta-violence in with
the action and some occasional gore. All good stuff! But, children needed to be
protected and we got PG-13.
The first movie given the PG-13 rating was The Flamingo Kid, but its release was
held up and Red Dawn was the first
movie outta that gate carrying the new rating. Incidentally, two of my all-time
faves and I’ll be watching both later this year.
As luck would have it, I turned 13 in 1984 and because the
story of the new rating was kind of a big deal in the news, my friends and some
adults would joke around and say, “It’s a good thing you turned 13! Ha ha ha!”
A truly meaningless joke for the kid who saw A Clockwork Orange at ten, and was staying up until two in the
morning on weekends to watch HBO
when it flipped over to porn. “Yeah, it’s a good thing I’m 13 now! Cause the
dick jokes in Johnny Dangerously
would have gone straight over my 12-year-old head.”
Also, as luck would have it, my parents got “divorced” sometime
around 1984. So, Saturday afternoons were spent with the old man and we did two
things. We’d go to a movie, then he’d take me to his favorite bar, order up a
Schmidt’s and begin feeding me quarters so I could play one of two video games
in the bar while I drank gallons of cherry pop. (We called it pop where I’m
from and I’m proud of that!) This was the deal for a couple of years and I didn't really care because I liked to play video games and I loved going to the movies.
Plus, nothing was off limits. The old man took me to see The Terminator, Beverly Hills
Cop and Paris, Texas that year…
all rated R. And I was old enough to start walking to the mall with my friends
to see movies too.
I saw a huge chunk of these movies in the theaters. But, it wasn't so much the single, or double, viewings in the theater that made
these films special. It was the countless subsequent viewings on cable
throughout my teenage years and well into my adulthood that created an
unbreakable bond between me and some great pieces of celluloid. This Is Spinal Tap, Splash, Romancing The Stone,
Sixteen Candles, Bachelor Party, Revenge Of
The Nerds, The Natural, and of
course Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters
becoming even more special with the recent passing of Harold Ramis. I once snuck into a drive-in to see Ghostbusters for
the third time. Godspeed, Harold.
I decided during the whole 2013 – The Year Of Music experiment that for the thirtieth
anniversary of 1984, I wanted to dedicate my blog to all the 1984 greats!
I am going to spend the year watching some movies from 1984
that I consider my all-time favorites, as well as discover and rediscover the
stuff I forgot or just didn't give a chance for one reason or another.
On this list you’ll find about 65 movies, 20 or so of them I
know like the back of my hand, and from smacking bitches around, I really know
the back of my hand.
Some got left behind, perhaps because they didn't age well
and some, at the time, I considered highfalutin bologna. Important movies, but
nonetheless, I was either too young, too immature, or too dumb to understand…
or have to patience to sit through. Amadeus, I’m looking at you! I think it’s funny
that most people know the imagery and story of Amadeus, but probably have never
watched it. Kimmel just spoofed it
on his Oscars post-show and I wondered how many 20-something dipshits thought it
was an original concept.
There’s also some clunkers on this list. Tank? Anybody remember that one? Sadly,
I do. All I remember is that James
Garner is in the army, C. Thomas
Howell is his dickhead son, there’s a hooker, a crooked sheriff, and a
tank! Can’t wait to watch it again!
The format of the year is pretty easy. I’m always going to
be watching something on Friday and a lot of times on Tuesday… we’ll call those
Double Feature weeks. I also tried to plan each viewing as close to the actually release date, 30 years ago! Hopefully, I’ll write something about the movies, or some
dumb story about me figuring out how my cock worked around the time the movie
came out. I did become a man in 1984… figuratively. I’m pretty sure, literally,
that hasn't happened yet.
I’m now wondering if I had turned 13 in 1994… would that be
my favorite year for movies? Or if I really was in the right place at the right
time. I dunno, maybe?
I might fill in some of the empty Tuesdays with movies I may
have forgot to schedule and some movies I may not be able to watch due to
availability. However, I did just order Tank
and Repo Man on DVD. I was gonna
order Repo Man on Blu-Ray but some
guy commented on Amazon that key
scenes were deleted. Which if true is total bullshit! You know what line always
sticks in my mind from Repo Man? “Plate of shrimp.” Figures, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in celebrating a
fantastic year of cinema! I give you the 30th anniversary 1984 watchlist!
Enjoy!
MARCH
Tuesday March 4, 2014 – Repo Man
Tuesday March 11, 2014 – Tank
Tuesday March 18, 2014 – Against All Odds
Friday March 28, 2014 – Romancing The Stone
APRIL
Tuesday April 1, 2014 – The Lonely Guy
Tuesday April 8, 2014 – The NeverEnding Story
Tuesday April 15, 2014 – Up The Creek
Friday April 25, 2014 – Footloose
MAYBE
Friday May 2, 2014 – Sixteen Candles
Tuesday May 6, 2014 – The Bounty
Friday May 9, 2014 – Breakin’
Friday May 16, 2014 – The Natural
Tuesday May 20, 2014 – Once Upon A Time In America
Friday May 23, 2014 – Indian Jones And The Temple Of Doom!
Friday May 30, 2014 – Streets Of Fire
JUNE
Tuesday June 3, 2014 – Star Trek III: The Search For Spock
Friday June 6, 2014 – Beat Street
Friday June 13, 2014 – Ghostbusters
Tuesday June 17, 2014 – Gremlins
Friday June 20, 2014 – The Karate Kid
Tuesday June 24, 2014 – The Pope Of Greenwich Village
Friday June 27, 2014 – Bachelor Party
JULY
Tuesday July 1, 2104 – Cannonball Run II
Friday July 11, 2014 – The Last Starfighter
Tuesday July 15, 2014 – Stranger Than Paradise
Friday July 18, 2014 – Revenge Of The Nerds
Friday July 25, 2014 – Purple Rain
AUGUST
Friday August 1, 2014 – Conan The Destroyer
Tuesday August 5, 2014 – The Philadelphia Experiment
Friday August 8, 2014 – Red Dawn
Tuesday August 12, 2014 – The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai
Friday August 15, 2014 – Dreamscape
Tuesday August 19, 2014 – Tightrope
Friday August 22, 2014 – Oxford Blues
Friday August 29, 2014 – Bolero
SEPTEMBER
Tuesday September 2, 2014 – The Wild Life
Friday September 5, 2014 – All Of Me
Friday September 12, 2014 – A Soldier's Story
Friday September 19, 2014 – Amadeus
Friday September 26, 2014 – Places In The Heart
Tuesday September 30, 2014 – The Killing Fields
OCTOBER
Friday October 3, 2014 – Teachers
Friday October 10, 2014 – The Terminator
Friday October 17, 2014 – The Razor’s Edge
Tuesday October 21, 2014 – C.H.U.D.
Friday October 24, 2014 – Friday The 13th The Final Chapter
Tuesday October 28, 2014 – Children Of The Corn
Friday October 31, 2014 – Nightmare On Elm Street
NOVEMBER
Friday November 7, 2014 – Body Double
Tuesday November 11, 2014 – Paris, Texas
Friday November 14, 2014 – Blood Simple
Friday November 21, 2014 – The Flamingo Kid
Tuesday November 25, 2014 – Night Of The Comet
Friday November 28, 2014 – 2010 – The Year We Make Contact
DECEMBER
Friday December 5, 2014 – Beverly Hills Cop
Friday December 12, 2014 – A Passage To India
Friday December 19, 2014 – Dune
Tuesday December 23, 2014 – Johnny Dangerously
Friday December 26, 2014 – Nineteen Eighty-Four
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