Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Happy New Year Fuckers!
Random Correspondence: I've decided to share a few written exchanges I've had with people in the last few weeks, because I really have nothing else to share. Although this first one isn't exactly an exchange, because the asshole I wrote never got back to me.
SERIAL KILLER STRIKES LONG ISLAND! AMERICA BEGS HIM TO RETURN TO THE JERSEY SHORE!
Do you remember way back in mid-December when they found four bodies on the shores of Long Island? (I'm assuming a body or two a day washes up on that shore, but if they find four at once, it's BIG news! ((I think I'm being ironic here, because I'm making light of death, which is why I wrote the following letter, and I just wanted to use two parentheses inside one parenthesis.))) Regardless, four bodies wash up on shore, and the term serial killer got bandied about like a Kardashian ass cheek.
About two days later the Daily News published an interview with Joel "Living-On-My-Dime-And-I-Wish-He-Was-Fucking-Dead" Rifkin. If you don't know, back in the early 90s, Joel is believed to have killed up to 17 women, and was convicted of killing 9. He is currently rotting away in a jail cell upstate and we had all hoped the next time he was in the news, it would be because several other inmates killed him by filling his asshole with bleach. And then people would say, "Holy shit! That's the same way Jenna Jameson died!" But I digress.
You can read the interview with Rifkin if you google, "Dickbag news interviews Joel Rifkin." I'm not posting the link to that shit. Written by Simone Weichselbaum the interview is this saucy little piece that basically let Rifkin pull down his pants and shit right on every life his killings touched! The article was truly an unforgivable piece of sensationalism. UN-FUCKING-FORGIVABLE!
So without further adieu, I give you my UNANSWERED letter to Miss Weichselbaum.
Dear Simone Weichselbaum,
I felt compelled to write you today after reading your piece on Joel Rifkin this morning.
I’m curious. Who do you think the bigger pile of shit is here? The L.I. killer? Joel Rifkin? Or YOU?
How dare you give a voice to Joel Rifkin! After viciously killing 17 innocent people he should be rotting silently in his jail cell for all eternity. But you or some other soulless asswipe over at the Daily News thought it would be a great idea to let him have a turn in the public light and describe his unremorseful methods of killing. “Occasionally breaking into laughter as he discussed his bloody history,” you wrote! Oh what a time the two of you had!
I’m sure what’s left of a human being in you was boiling over with anger as Rifkin callously spoke of his crimes, but the asshole journalist in you was probably doing cartwheels all the way to a laptop to get this juicy story filed!!
I particularly loved how you pointed out cartoons were playing in the visiting room while you conducted your bloodlust interview. What a pretty picture you paint! Was the sun shining through the window? Was Rifkin wearing his favorite slippers?!
If Joel Rifkin has important insight to help catch a serial killer and wants to privately share that with the authorities, GREAT! However, the thought of him sitting around watching Family Guy and having a laugh with some douche bag reporter as he reminisces about killing is sickening!
He’s probably got a copy of the article pinned to a doll he made that looks like you! Given the chance this man would have raped and killed you! You gave him a voice, a couple minutes in the sun and probably made the next ten years for him a little more enjoyable! You truly are an asshole!
I wonder if Lorraine Orvieto’s family read your article this morning? I wonder if Mary Ellen DeLuca’s family was relived to see that Rifkin still maintains his sense of humor about her death!
Go fuck yourself Simone! Go fuck yourself! You’re not a journalist anymore.
Merry Christmas and have a wonderful new year,
Brad Maybe
PS I wrote this yesterday and decided to sleep on it. This morning as I read it back I added more curse words! So I probably should have sent it yesterday. I actually got angrier. Later stupid.
And that's all I have to say about that.
SERIAL KILLER STRIKES LONG ISLAND! AMERICA BEGS HIM TO RETURN TO THE JERSEY SHORE!
Do you remember way back in mid-December when they found four bodies on the shores of Long Island? (I'm assuming a body or two a day washes up on that shore, but if they find four at once, it's BIG news! ((I think I'm being ironic here, because I'm making light of death, which is why I wrote the following letter, and I just wanted to use two parentheses inside one parenthesis.))) Regardless, four bodies wash up on shore, and the term serial killer got bandied about like a Kardashian ass cheek.
About two days later the Daily News published an interview with Joel "Living-On-My-Dime-And-I-Wish-He-Was-Fucking-Dead" Rifkin. If you don't know, back in the early 90s, Joel is believed to have killed up to 17 women, and was convicted of killing 9. He is currently rotting away in a jail cell upstate and we had all hoped the next time he was in the news, it would be because several other inmates killed him by filling his asshole with bleach. And then people would say, "Holy shit! That's the same way Jenna Jameson died!" But I digress.
You can read the interview with Rifkin if you google, "Dickbag news interviews Joel Rifkin." I'm not posting the link to that shit. Written by Simone Weichselbaum the interview is this saucy little piece that basically let Rifkin pull down his pants and shit right on every life his killings touched! The article was truly an unforgivable piece of sensationalism. UN-FUCKING-FORGIVABLE!
So without further adieu, I give you my UNANSWERED letter to Miss Weichselbaum.
Dear Simone Weichselbaum,
I felt compelled to write you today after reading your piece on Joel Rifkin this morning.
I’m curious. Who do you think the bigger pile of shit is here? The L.I. killer? Joel Rifkin? Or YOU?
How dare you give a voice to Joel Rifkin! After viciously killing 17 innocent people he should be rotting silently in his jail cell for all eternity. But you or some other soulless asswipe over at the Daily News thought it would be a great idea to let him have a turn in the public light and describe his unremorseful methods of killing. “Occasionally breaking into laughter as he discussed his bloody history,” you wrote! Oh what a time the two of you had!
I’m sure what’s left of a human being in you was boiling over with anger as Rifkin callously spoke of his crimes, but the asshole journalist in you was probably doing cartwheels all the way to a laptop to get this juicy story filed!!
I particularly loved how you pointed out cartoons were playing in the visiting room while you conducted your bloodlust interview. What a pretty picture you paint! Was the sun shining through the window? Was Rifkin wearing his favorite slippers?!
If Joel Rifkin has important insight to help catch a serial killer and wants to privately share that with the authorities, GREAT! However, the thought of him sitting around watching Family Guy and having a laugh with some douche bag reporter as he reminisces about killing is sickening!
He’s probably got a copy of the article pinned to a doll he made that looks like you! Given the chance this man would have raped and killed you! You gave him a voice, a couple minutes in the sun and probably made the next ten years for him a little more enjoyable! You truly are an asshole!
I wonder if Lorraine Orvieto’s family read your article this morning? I wonder if Mary Ellen DeLuca’s family was relived to see that Rifkin still maintains his sense of humor about her death!
Go fuck yourself Simone! Go fuck yourself! You’re not a journalist anymore.
Merry Christmas and have a wonderful new year,
Brad Maybe
PS I wrote this yesterday and decided to sleep on it. This morning as I read it back I added more curse words! So I probably should have sent it yesterday. I actually got angrier. Later stupid.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Happy Holidays Jerks!
Hello Nobody,
I was compelled to make a funny little video that was inspired by the great Mel Brooks.
Over the holidays Old Navy ran a whole bunch of commercials for some of the shit clothes that they sell. You know the stuff they pay little kids 2 cents (How come computers don't have a cents sign? What the fuck! "¢" I found one online!) a month to make! And then they sell it to you for $4.99 and it falls apart after you wash it twice. You know, that shit? "Festive Fleeces everyone! The blood of children on every one!" But I digress.
Anyway, all these Old Navy commercials featured a bunch of hunky guys, or bears, running around without shirts on! And every time I saw one of these commercials, I would break into "The French Mistake," from the VERY un-politically correct movie Blazing Saddles. (Do you know they offered Johnny Carson, Gene Wilder's role and he said "no?")
Yatta Yatta Yatta, I made this video. Plus I've attached the scene from Blazing Saddles! Notice the similarities!
Oh Balls! I can't embed the scene from Blazing Saddles. Here's the stupid link...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMK6lzmSk2o
I was compelled to make a funny little video that was inspired by the great Mel Brooks.
Over the holidays Old Navy ran a whole bunch of commercials for some of the shit clothes that they sell. You know the stuff they pay little kids 2 cents (How come computers don't have a cents sign? What the fuck! "¢" I found one online!) a month to make! And then they sell it to you for $4.99 and it falls apart after you wash it twice. You know, that shit? "Festive Fleeces everyone! The blood of children on every one!" But I digress.
Anyway, all these Old Navy commercials featured a bunch of hunky guys, or bears, running around without shirts on! And every time I saw one of these commercials, I would break into "The French Mistake," from the VERY un-politically correct movie Blazing Saddles. (Do you know they offered Johnny Carson, Gene Wilder's role and he said "no?")
Yatta Yatta Yatta, I made this video. Plus I've attached the scene from Blazing Saddles! Notice the similarities!
Oh Balls! I can't embed the scene from Blazing Saddles. Here's the stupid link...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMK6lzmSk2o
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Wonton Weekend!
(My first go at this post was a bit terse. So I'm redoing it. Do over.)
Back in the mid-90's I was extremely bored. So bored I went out and got a public access TV show on the Buffalo cable carrier. It was literally as easy as taking two classes and a written test. I missed one of the classes and cheated on the test. And my show, Brainstorm, was born!(I named the show after my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. I'm Brad, her name was/is Rain and we fought a lot. She hit me with her car once.)
Needless to say, Brainstorm was a pretty awful show. I barely knew how to edit anything. I didn't have any good ideas. And I was fighting with my girlfriend constantly. There's one hour long episode of me and the douches I used to hang out with back then sitting around my apartment talking about Star Trek. I also used to tape me and my friend Mike playing video games. And just throw all that on the air.
Unfortunately, I have all the episodes, a whopping six of them, on some giant sized video tapes that are being stored in the basement of Micheal's Catering Hall in Orchard Park, NY. (Are you getting lost in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season? Let Micheal's cater your office or family Christmas/Chaka Chan party.) I have no access to them, and even if I did, I have no way to transfer them to digital.
So, you can imagine how shocked I was when a former intern of mine unearthed this classic Brainstorm clip on Youtube! I'm singing "Sliver" by Nirvana, which I remember being really into at the time, with my friend John Destefano's band, Crunchy Frog. Although for this performance and for one brief Rock 'N Roll moment we were Wonton Weekend!!!!
I came up with the name Wonton Weekend when I was in college. You see one weekend... oh F it. Watch the stupid video and CRINGE!!!! And those were my REAL glasses.
Back in the mid-90's I was extremely bored. So bored I went out and got a public access TV show on the Buffalo cable carrier. It was literally as easy as taking two classes and a written test. I missed one of the classes and cheated on the test. And my show, Brainstorm, was born!(I named the show after my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. I'm Brad, her name was/is Rain and we fought a lot. She hit me with her car once.)
Needless to say, Brainstorm was a pretty awful show. I barely knew how to edit anything. I didn't have any good ideas. And I was fighting with my girlfriend constantly. There's one hour long episode of me and the douches I used to hang out with back then sitting around my apartment talking about Star Trek. I also used to tape me and my friend Mike playing video games. And just throw all that on the air.
Unfortunately, I have all the episodes, a whopping six of them, on some giant sized video tapes that are being stored in the basement of Micheal's Catering Hall in Orchard Park, NY. (Are you getting lost in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season? Let Micheal's cater your office or family Christmas/Chaka Chan party.) I have no access to them, and even if I did, I have no way to transfer them to digital.
So, you can imagine how shocked I was when a former intern of mine unearthed this classic Brainstorm clip on Youtube! I'm singing "Sliver" by Nirvana, which I remember being really into at the time, with my friend John Destefano's band, Crunchy Frog. Although for this performance and for one brief Rock 'N Roll moment we were Wonton Weekend!!!!
I came up with the name Wonton Weekend when I was in college. You see one weekend... oh F it. Watch the stupid video and CRINGE!!!! And those were my REAL glasses.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
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