Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Arizona State Senate Is Awesome!
Random Correspondence: Another email I sent to somebody that just doesn’t get it.
I was reading an article on Yahoo the other day about New York City’s Super Mayor, Mikey Bloomberg and something in it compelled me to write an Arizona state senator.
The article detailed Bloomberg’s personal initiative to send undercover secret agents to out of state gun shows to purchase guns.
Recently, Hizzoner spent six figures to have these secret agents pull a little sting operation in the great state of Arizona! You know the state that doesn’t acknowledge Martin Luther King Day, daylight savings time or the Jewish religion. The sting worked and the guys were able to waltz into a gun show, tell a vendor they “probably wouldn’t pass a background check,” and walk out with 9mm bazookas.
I’m thinking, “Good for you Bloomy! Fuck those guys! I’m sick of reading about how 85-90% of illegal guns found on New York City streets are from out of state! Mike Bloomberg is a pro-mother-fucking-active mother fucker… Do I want a green tea… Should I get a roast beef sandwich for lunch… I’m pretty sure Rothlessburger (SIC) didn’t rape anybody proper, but he’s a scumbag.” My mind started wandering there, because I was reading an article about gun control.
But then it happened! Some shitkicker named Ronald Gould gets quoted in the article and then I started thinking to myself, “what a dick!”
Gould’s one of those good ol’ boy GOP scumbags that would like to shoot Mexicans with concealed weapons and catapult their corpses back to Mexico. I’m assuming.
Senator Gould recently introduced Senate Bill 1201, which would require college campuses to allow people to carry concealed weapons. Cause if there’s one place you want idealistic, impressionable, young assholes running around with concealed guns, it’s on a fucking college campus! He introduced that bill just weeks after Gabrielle Giffords’ assassination attempt and the mass killing of six people. He also supports legislation that denies citizenship to children born in this country. And he passed a bill that added a 20% sales tax on mustache rides, in effect making them now 7 cents and not a nickel! Basically, if you filled this guy with vinegar and attached a nozzle, you’re mom would... well you get the point.
After I read the article he was quoted in, I wrote him the following missive…
SUBJECT: You And I, Are Very Different People
Dear Mr. Gould,
Let me start off by saying that your mustache and haircut are wonderful. You look like you've pulled over a few cars on the state highway in your time, or have closed down the Manhole on several occasions. Either way, it’s a tried and true look adored by men and women everywhere.
Regardless, I'm writing you today, because I just read a comment of yours in an article I saw on Yahoo, and it made me say out loud, "What a dick!"
After learning that the great Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, had authorized a sting operation in your state, in which 9mm handguns were sold to guys saying they wouldn't pass a background check, you said, "Let me get this straight: From New York City, they are going to send people to Arizona to look into this? They might take a look a little closer to home if they are concerned about guns getting in their state."
That was your gut reaction? Maybe first you said, "Shit in my hat, that ain't right!" Or, "Golly! Thanks Mr. Bloomberg, because even though I support an American's right to bare arms, I am concerned about guns falling into the wrong hands!" Tell me that was your initial reaction and it didn't make the article I read. If so, please read no further, but if not read on.
Allow me to spout off a fact, I just Googled. In 2009, 5,000 illegal firearms were found in New York City. Eighty five percent of them were from out of state. Which states? I dunno. (In the article I read, in 2010, 90% of the guns were from out of state.)
Can I offer a suggestion to you sir? Instead of jumping on the GOP soapbox and spouting off some how-dare-they rhetoric and acting like any one of the cast members of a Real Housewives show, you should really take a look at what happened in your backyard!
In your state, guns were sold at a gun show (I’m sure you’ve taken a lot of ladies to the gun show. Am I right?) to people that shouldn't have been able to buy guns. End of the gosh darn story. Adolf Hitler, or even worse Julian Assange could have organized this sting and your reaction should have been, "THANK YOU!!"
But NO! You had to say some dumb shit and now here I am writing you a letter!
Can I get serious here for a second? I know a young lady named Rachel that works at a store right across the street from where Jared Loughner killed six people. I worry for her and everyone else in your state, if guns can just be bought by anybody. I live in New York City, along with almost everyone I love and I worry for us. God forbid someday someone I know is gunned down by a person that purchased a weapon at a gun show in a state with an asshole like you in office.
GFY,
Brad Maybe!
I was reading an article on Yahoo the other day about New York City’s Super Mayor, Mikey Bloomberg and something in it compelled me to write an Arizona state senator.
The article detailed Bloomberg’s personal initiative to send undercover secret agents to out of state gun shows to purchase guns.
Recently, Hizzoner spent six figures to have these secret agents pull a little sting operation in the great state of Arizona! You know the state that doesn’t acknowledge Martin Luther King Day, daylight savings time or the Jewish religion. The sting worked and the guys were able to waltz into a gun show, tell a vendor they “probably wouldn’t pass a background check,” and walk out with 9mm bazookas.
I’m thinking, “Good for you Bloomy! Fuck those guys! I’m sick of reading about how 85-90% of illegal guns found on New York City streets are from out of state! Mike Bloomberg is a pro-mother-fucking-active mother fucker… Do I want a green tea… Should I get a roast beef sandwich for lunch… I’m pretty sure Rothlessburger (SIC) didn’t rape anybody proper, but he’s a scumbag.” My mind started wandering there, because I was reading an article about gun control.
But then it happened! Some shitkicker named Ronald Gould gets quoted in the article and then I started thinking to myself, “what a dick!”
Gould’s one of those good ol’ boy GOP scumbags that would like to shoot Mexicans with concealed weapons and catapult their corpses back to Mexico. I’m assuming.
Senator Gould recently introduced Senate Bill 1201, which would require college campuses to allow people to carry concealed weapons. Cause if there’s one place you want idealistic, impressionable, young assholes running around with concealed guns, it’s on a fucking college campus! He introduced that bill just weeks after Gabrielle Giffords’ assassination attempt and the mass killing of six people. He also supports legislation that denies citizenship to children born in this country. And he passed a bill that added a 20% sales tax on mustache rides, in effect making them now 7 cents and not a nickel! Basically, if you filled this guy with vinegar and attached a nozzle, you’re mom would... well you get the point.
After I read the article he was quoted in, I wrote him the following missive…
SUBJECT: You And I, Are Very Different People
Dear Mr. Gould,
Let me start off by saying that your mustache and haircut are wonderful. You look like you've pulled over a few cars on the state highway in your time, or have closed down the Manhole on several occasions. Either way, it’s a tried and true look adored by men and women everywhere.
Regardless, I'm writing you today, because I just read a comment of yours in an article I saw on Yahoo, and it made me say out loud, "What a dick!"
After learning that the great Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg, had authorized a sting operation in your state, in which 9mm handguns were sold to guys saying they wouldn't pass a background check, you said, "Let me get this straight: From New York City, they are going to send people to Arizona to look into this? They might take a look a little closer to home if they are concerned about guns getting in their state."
That was your gut reaction? Maybe first you said, "Shit in my hat, that ain't right!" Or, "Golly! Thanks Mr. Bloomberg, because even though I support an American's right to bare arms, I am concerned about guns falling into the wrong hands!" Tell me that was your initial reaction and it didn't make the article I read. If so, please read no further, but if not read on.
Allow me to spout off a fact, I just Googled. In 2009, 5,000 illegal firearms were found in New York City. Eighty five percent of them were from out of state. Which states? I dunno. (In the article I read, in 2010, 90% of the guns were from out of state.)
Can I offer a suggestion to you sir? Instead of jumping on the GOP soapbox and spouting off some how-dare-they rhetoric and acting like any one of the cast members of a Real Housewives show, you should really take a look at what happened in your backyard!
In your state, guns were sold at a gun show (I’m sure you’ve taken a lot of ladies to the gun show. Am I right?) to people that shouldn't have been able to buy guns. End of the gosh darn story. Adolf Hitler, or even worse Julian Assange could have organized this sting and your reaction should have been, "THANK YOU!!"
But NO! You had to say some dumb shit and now here I am writing you a letter!
Can I get serious here for a second? I know a young lady named Rachel that works at a store right across the street from where Jared Loughner killed six people. I worry for her and everyone else in your state, if guns can just be bought by anybody. I live in New York City, along with almost everyone I love and I worry for us. God forbid someday someone I know is gunned down by a person that purchased a weapon at a gun show in a state with an asshole like you in office.
GFY,
Brad Maybe!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Happy New Year Fuckers!
Random Correspondence: I've decided to share a few written exchanges I've had with people in the last few weeks, because I really have nothing else to share. Although this first one isn't exactly an exchange, because the asshole I wrote never got back to me.
SERIAL KILLER STRIKES LONG ISLAND! AMERICA BEGS HIM TO RETURN TO THE JERSEY SHORE!
Do you remember way back in mid-December when they found four bodies on the shores of Long Island? (I'm assuming a body or two a day washes up on that shore, but if they find four at once, it's BIG news! ((I think I'm being ironic here, because I'm making light of death, which is why I wrote the following letter, and I just wanted to use two parentheses inside one parenthesis.))) Regardless, four bodies wash up on shore, and the term serial killer got bandied about like a Kardashian ass cheek.
About two days later the Daily News published an interview with Joel "Living-On-My-Dime-And-I-Wish-He-Was-Fucking-Dead" Rifkin. If you don't know, back in the early 90s, Joel is believed to have killed up to 17 women, and was convicted of killing 9. He is currently rotting away in a jail cell upstate and we had all hoped the next time he was in the news, it would be because several other inmates killed him by filling his asshole with bleach. And then people would say, "Holy shit! That's the same way Jenna Jameson died!" But I digress.
You can read the interview with Rifkin if you google, "Dickbag news interviews Joel Rifkin." I'm not posting the link to that shit. Written by Simone Weichselbaum the interview is this saucy little piece that basically let Rifkin pull down his pants and shit right on every life his killings touched! The article was truly an unforgivable piece of sensationalism. UN-FUCKING-FORGIVABLE!
So without further adieu, I give you my UNANSWERED letter to Miss Weichselbaum.
Dear Simone Weichselbaum,
I felt compelled to write you today after reading your piece on Joel Rifkin this morning.
I’m curious. Who do you think the bigger pile of shit is here? The L.I. killer? Joel Rifkin? Or YOU?
How dare you give a voice to Joel Rifkin! After viciously killing 17 innocent people he should be rotting silently in his jail cell for all eternity. But you or some other soulless asswipe over at the Daily News thought it would be a great idea to let him have a turn in the public light and describe his unremorseful methods of killing. “Occasionally breaking into laughter as he discussed his bloody history,” you wrote! Oh what a time the two of you had!
I’m sure what’s left of a human being in you was boiling over with anger as Rifkin callously spoke of his crimes, but the asshole journalist in you was probably doing cartwheels all the way to a laptop to get this juicy story filed!!
I particularly loved how you pointed out cartoons were playing in the visiting room while you conducted your bloodlust interview. What a pretty picture you paint! Was the sun shining through the window? Was Rifkin wearing his favorite slippers?!
If Joel Rifkin has important insight to help catch a serial killer and wants to privately share that with the authorities, GREAT! However, the thought of him sitting around watching Family Guy and having a laugh with some douche bag reporter as he reminisces about killing is sickening!
He’s probably got a copy of the article pinned to a doll he made that looks like you! Given the chance this man would have raped and killed you! You gave him a voice, a couple minutes in the sun and probably made the next ten years for him a little more enjoyable! You truly are an asshole!
I wonder if Lorraine Orvieto’s family read your article this morning? I wonder if Mary Ellen DeLuca’s family was relived to see that Rifkin still maintains his sense of humor about her death!
Go fuck yourself Simone! Go fuck yourself! You’re not a journalist anymore.
Merry Christmas and have a wonderful new year,
Brad Maybe
PS I wrote this yesterday and decided to sleep on it. This morning as I read it back I added more curse words! So I probably should have sent it yesterday. I actually got angrier. Later stupid.
And that's all I have to say about that.
SERIAL KILLER STRIKES LONG ISLAND! AMERICA BEGS HIM TO RETURN TO THE JERSEY SHORE!
Do you remember way back in mid-December when they found four bodies on the shores of Long Island? (I'm assuming a body or two a day washes up on that shore, but if they find four at once, it's BIG news! ((I think I'm being ironic here, because I'm making light of death, which is why I wrote the following letter, and I just wanted to use two parentheses inside one parenthesis.))) Regardless, four bodies wash up on shore, and the term serial killer got bandied about like a Kardashian ass cheek.
About two days later the Daily News published an interview with Joel "Living-On-My-Dime-And-I-Wish-He-Was-Fucking-Dead" Rifkin. If you don't know, back in the early 90s, Joel is believed to have killed up to 17 women, and was convicted of killing 9. He is currently rotting away in a jail cell upstate and we had all hoped the next time he was in the news, it would be because several other inmates killed him by filling his asshole with bleach. And then people would say, "Holy shit! That's the same way Jenna Jameson died!" But I digress.
You can read the interview with Rifkin if you google, "Dickbag news interviews Joel Rifkin." I'm not posting the link to that shit. Written by Simone Weichselbaum the interview is this saucy little piece that basically let Rifkin pull down his pants and shit right on every life his killings touched! The article was truly an unforgivable piece of sensationalism. UN-FUCKING-FORGIVABLE!
So without further adieu, I give you my UNANSWERED letter to Miss Weichselbaum.
Dear Simone Weichselbaum,
I felt compelled to write you today after reading your piece on Joel Rifkin this morning.
I’m curious. Who do you think the bigger pile of shit is here? The L.I. killer? Joel Rifkin? Or YOU?
How dare you give a voice to Joel Rifkin! After viciously killing 17 innocent people he should be rotting silently in his jail cell for all eternity. But you or some other soulless asswipe over at the Daily News thought it would be a great idea to let him have a turn in the public light and describe his unremorseful methods of killing. “Occasionally breaking into laughter as he discussed his bloody history,” you wrote! Oh what a time the two of you had!
I’m sure what’s left of a human being in you was boiling over with anger as Rifkin callously spoke of his crimes, but the asshole journalist in you was probably doing cartwheels all the way to a laptop to get this juicy story filed!!
I particularly loved how you pointed out cartoons were playing in the visiting room while you conducted your bloodlust interview. What a pretty picture you paint! Was the sun shining through the window? Was Rifkin wearing his favorite slippers?!
If Joel Rifkin has important insight to help catch a serial killer and wants to privately share that with the authorities, GREAT! However, the thought of him sitting around watching Family Guy and having a laugh with some douche bag reporter as he reminisces about killing is sickening!
He’s probably got a copy of the article pinned to a doll he made that looks like you! Given the chance this man would have raped and killed you! You gave him a voice, a couple minutes in the sun and probably made the next ten years for him a little more enjoyable! You truly are an asshole!
I wonder if Lorraine Orvieto’s family read your article this morning? I wonder if Mary Ellen DeLuca’s family was relived to see that Rifkin still maintains his sense of humor about her death!
Go fuck yourself Simone! Go fuck yourself! You’re not a journalist anymore.
Merry Christmas and have a wonderful new year,
Brad Maybe
PS I wrote this yesterday and decided to sleep on it. This morning as I read it back I added more curse words! So I probably should have sent it yesterday. I actually got angrier. Later stupid.
And that's all I have to say about that.
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